Where to even begin...
Since last we spoke, much has occurred. I began my final semester at Marshall University, and (after four years) I have taken my leave from the Child Development Academy.
As I near the end of my undergrad, I do find it hard to believe all that has transpired in the five years I have lived in Huntington. There have been friendships made, friendships lost; tears cried for many reasons, and laughter beyond all belief. Did you know I used to work for the American Red Cross? Or that at one time I thought of changing my major to communications? Anyways, as in any great novel, every chapter must come to an end.
If God is for me, who can be against me?
As so comes the exciting stufff.
While I was home for Christmas break, my dad approached me about my plans for life after school. For several months before that I had been holding true to a mantra of 'ministry, but don't know where or how'. He encouraged me to at least have some 'plans'. And while I think he's right, I still struggled in figuring out the line between being responsible/prepared and worried/distrustful of God. To make sure there is no misunderstanding, let me explain. I feel that God has a plan and will for my life. I believe that while He has a specific plan/will, He is also a graceful and merciful God in that He knows human nature and has bestowed upon us the gift of free will. (But that's beside the point at this moment in time.) Back to making plans... I struggle in that I want to trust God completely in my life. I want to have that blind faith that will make me step out of the boat- with nothing but my eyes on Jesus.
Because of that, I haven't really wanted to 'make plans' because I wanted to 'give God the opportunity' to do something through camp. I didn't want to lack in faith by making 'my plans', as if a back-up, in case God didn't 'pull-through'. Wait, WHAT?!? ((Did I seriously just put God in a four-wall box?!?))
Yea. So I struggled. And then I prayed. And then I got some ice to put on the bump I received after being smacked upside the head....
Case in point--
A. Preparedness is a part of spiritual leadership. Yes, we rely on God to lead the path and such, but we also must be mature in our faith and constantly seek His will for the decisions we make. I was reminded of the many children's moments I did for Philippi Baptist, as well as the other ministries I've been a part of. Every Sunday I spoke, I would have a 'lesson' worked out, but I would rely on the Spirit to kind-of, 'lightening strike' the message God intended for me to share. If that happened, I would put the message I had prepared aside, and would go with what God had put on my heart. (Of course, later in life I realized this didn't work... remember-- I was young... and immature.. haha... and didn't understand that I should have been communicating with God from the beginning of planning out a kid's talk... not just picking out something from a book, and then waiting last minute for God to provide something 'better').
And then I think of preachers. They spend hours, days even- in prayer and supplication, asking God for the message He wants them to share with His people. With this time and effort they prepare for the sermon. Then comes Sunday, and God's word is spoken. (The best part of having a sovereign God though, is the fact that you may spend hours, days, even weeks preparing a message only to have the Holy Spirit change it last minute for something 10 times better (and you deliver that instead... with no notes) :-)... God is SO good. :-))
So, my final point in relating that to my epiphany about future planning? Planning is a good thing. God never intended for us to live in the future, but He does want us to be prepared 'in' Him... and when we are 'prepared' in and through Him, future planning isn't as bad, since you do it with the realization that those plans may never come to fruition- but you have still done your part in being prepared for what opportunities God might have in store.
B. The truth is- after some great conviction, I realized that my reason for a lack of planning wasn't because I "wanted to trust God to show the way". I wasn't planning because I was scared to; because that would mean that I am in fact becoming an adult. Because that would also mean that I am now accountable and responsible for the souls God has sent me to work with and love. And that's scary. I'm still just a kid... but wait.. no I'm not. :-)
And so where does this leave me now?
Well. I'm praying about it. ;-)) haha
But no really, through the past few months of prayer on my part, and the part of others, God has been doing some really great things. Just this past week I received SUCH ENCOURAGEMENT that it is becoming excruciatingly clear where God may be leading me next. It is a path that I believe to be truly within the will of God for my life. It's a path/plan that has been bringing me peace to the burdens I have felt.
God has put a serious calling on my heart- and I know that the only way for me to continue being joyful is by giving Him all that I can and am in service and love.
The best part of it all?
5 years ago, upon arriving to Marshall... if you would have told me this is where my life would end up, with a calling to ministry.... I would have laughed... I would have made fun of you, and I would have told you 'my plans' for the future. God is SO good... SOOO GOOD.... And I can't WAIT to begin. <3 God works in mysterious ways... He likes to laugh at my plans... but only because He knows His are SOOO much better. :-))
Well... that wasn't really where I had intended to go with tonight's blog... but oh well... :-))
Until next time,
Live.Love.Laugh.Impact.
In Christ,
Kristina Sara Pickles Vlasic
