Disconnected.

On my phone there is a wifi setting. It's a 3G phone, but if you want internet service without the charge, simply turn on the wifi setting; and you can browse without being charged the outrageous data rates. With this setting though, you have to pay attention and be really careful. Occasionally, if the internet connection is not very strong or is wavering; my wifi setting will still be 'on' but read 'disconnected'. Basically what this means is that my phone 'recognizes' that there is potential for receiving and sending information, but there is something wrong with the connection that is not allowing the proper exchange to occur.

As I sat this morning staring at the 'disconnected' sign on my phone; it dawned on me... how often as Christians do we live like that? We've got the internet connection potential...we go to church, we tithe our money, we do the week-long mission trip in some far-off land, we even help in the nursery... but at the end of the day; we are completely 'disconnected' from Jesus. We are disconnected from the world.

We are 'on' but 'disconnected'.

And how do I know it's true? … confession time: I've lived it.

During my junior year of college, I went through a period of spiritual disconnect. I was still going to church, still praying daily, still knew all the right answers to all the Sunday school questions... I was still thinking about God 24 hours a day.. 7 days a week. But at the end of the day, when I was all alone in my apartment, with no one to see me or hear me, the tears of anguish would come. And I would just cry myself to sleep. Every night. For about 2 months. I was 'on'... but I was just plain 'disconnected'. I wasn't digging into the word, nor allowing God to do the work He wanted to do. I was praying, but not actually listening. I wasn't truly dying to myself. And the saddest part? I knew how to change it.. how to 'connect back'... I just kept choosing not to.

I kept this disconnect hidden, until the one day. I had walked into the Christian center, walked back to say hey to my campus minister. (I hadn't actually had intentions of staying, just say hey and go.) I walked through his door, and by the time the door had swung shut, the tears began to flow. Sitting there I released the disconnect I had been feeling. How I still loved the Lord with all my heart, and how I knew all the answers to all the Sunday school questions... but I just simply couldn't bring myself to make a healthy connection. I was struggling. ((I know it's a hard thing to understand or accept... but even the most spiritually mature (and I'm not even talking about myself), but even the most spiritually mature folk just struggle sometimes. See the book Confessions of a Pastor: Adventures in Dropping the Pose and Getting Real with God by Craig Groeschel)) Through pouring out all my emotions to another human being that I trusted (not to judge, but just listen and understand the struggles) I was able to realize where my connection had faltered and how I could and would reconnect it. I walked out of his office, went back to my apartment, and cried again.

I would like to tell you that everyday I took little steps back to the connection, but well... that's the beauty of a reset button. When I hit the reset button on the router, the connection almost immediately restores itself and my phone is a functioning machine again. And so, that's what I did. I cried that night, not because I was sad or struggling, but because I was crying out to God to forgive me. In my spiritual life, I pushed the reset button, and my connection became restored. It still wavers sometimes... cause I am human and all, but man is it strong. Not to mention that God is quick to restore it after a storm of any sorts. And I am forever grateful for that.

While peoples' spiritual disconnects may be different from the one I experienced; the main idea I'm attempting to convey is that we need to continually be diligent is recognizing the state of our spiritual connection. I urge you not to be 'on' and 'disconnected'; but rather strive to experience connection and transformation through knowing, thinking and speaking who you are in Christ.

Find your IP address in Christ, and it'll be a whole lot easier to maintain the connection.