So. This may not be my usual inspiring kind of blog... but, i'm committed to being open and honest; and this is an emotional night I feel I need to share...
I know I'm not as healthy as I should be. I know this full well... believe me, that last backpacking trip was a doozy. I also know I'm not as healthy as I should be because my reflux and lactose-intolerance have been acting up like crazy. I know myself, and I know I haven't been eating healthy. It's just truth.
But, because the Lord has blessed me with people who love and care for me, my brother Petar approached me about my lousy health. (p.s. this is the second time he's done it... and i will forever love him for loving me enough to be honest with me.) Anywho, he asked me if he could talk to a trainer buddy of his about helping me get healthy again. His friend, Brent, has actually helped Petar get into the best shape of his life. I told him I would be willing to figure out a healthy diet (and I don't mean like eat only these specifics foods kind of diet, but like an actual lifestyle kind of thing). So as I transitioned from cowen to home, and then to winchester; I kept this in the back of my head. But I didn't talk to Brent. I just 'didn't have the time' (<-that's one of those excuses people make).
And then... it began. First, I tried on my bridesmaids dress for sammi's wedding... and while it fit... it just didn't look the way I wanted it to. And then... well, then a few things happened that really helped convict of just how sinful it is to misuse the body God gave me by basically trashing it (ask me about them later).
So, I emailed Brent.
And this past Wednesday I began his first goal for me; of drinking 128 oz of water everyday and writing down everything I ate. So I had been recording it in my phone. And then tonight, I transferred it from my phone to my computer and nearly cried.
What has happened to me? When did the food I ate become so unimportant to me? What has happened to the days of making my own whole wheat bread, and watching every single thing I put in my body? When did I quit controlling my portions? When did I quit caring about what I ate? And when did my lack of care become such an idol?
I HADN'T EVEN REALIZED it.
I could sit here and try to justify my poor choices with excuses. But I won't. Cause there is no excuse. I claim that Christ is the top priority in the my life... and that all my choice are made with Him in mind. But that's a lie. Because living like this doesn't glorify God. Neglecting the health of my body isn't pleasing... and definitely doesn't further His kingdom...
So. Where does this leave me now? Well.. it'll be a slow process... but with God in mind first.. and the help of Brent, I will slowly but surely make my way to improving the health of my body.
I am finding that as God reveals the idols I have in my life... I want to cry and fall on my knees in shame. And then God just pours out such grace and mercy... that all I really want to do is cry with a painful joy. I'm not worthy. No one is. that's why God is God... and i am not. He IS worthy of all the praise... and because He loves me so much, He redeems me, and the shame just seems to dissipate.
phew. wow. also, I'm not really writing this for advice or comments, or honestly even words of encouragement... I'm just truly wanting to share my heart, what's on my mind, and what the Lord is doing in my life... and how much easier it is to see my sins, and deal with them, when I allow God to point them out.
My life has been committed to God in service. And while most aspects of my life are doing the work, it's time that this aspect of me start as well.
Let another journey begin.
-k
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
sooo the newness has worn off... and real life begins.
Welp. It's been over 6 weeks... I'm settled in, the newness is over, and real life has begun.
And basically it's like this...
The extent of ministry that I have known has truly been part-time. There were the Sundays' serving in the nurseries... or the children's sermons during the service. I've done the children's program for the convention for a few years now, and led Bible Study at camp for Jr. 1. Opening up my apartment to friends while I lived in Huntington also served as a great ministry tool.
And it's the culmination of all those God-led times and opportunities that I truly believe have brought me to where I am today-- full-time ministry. The biggest difference being... when you're full-time... you are FULL TIME. hahaha. So here's the 411 on what I have experienced so far in the past 2 weeks...
(also, the order is not in order of importance, but just how I would like to address each topic in perspective to my experiences in ministry.)
1) Job- Working in ministry and having a full-time job is tough. I work 9-6 every day which basically means that for a good 6 out of the 9 hours I'm at work; my attentions are focused on 8 little toddlers. However, working such hours has also been a help in meeting people in the community. My work is right next to Sheetz, so I'm basically going in there every morning during my breaks to get coffee. I have now met almost everyone that works there, and am slowly but surely building relationships with the folks of Sheetz. Also, I work in close quarters with several teachers, one of whom happens to be a believer as well! (We bonded over this fact). So even in the time that I'm at work, God is at work as well. Many of the teachers have asked me how I came to Winchester and about my transition here; and it's been an incredible opportunity to share what Christ has done for me and my life. They look at me with bewilderment as I share the past few months and the trust in Christ which has sustained me. It's also been a great opportunity to invite folks to church. No one has come yet, but I'm not discouraged... all in the Lord's timing.
2) Hospitality- (P.S. I would still do this even if i didn't live with the preacher's family) At least 1-2 nights a week, Shay and Sarah have guests come over for a meal. It's an opportunity in which we can truly get to know the folks in the congregation, as well as minister to new guests of the church and members of the community. And we all know my love for food and using it to further God's kingdom; so it's a very natural thing for me. Furthermore, I'm in the process of doing research and preparing a community outreach in which we will be ministering to the businesses of Old Time by baking them a plate of cookies. And it may seem like a small feet... but don't be fooled... there are 75 businesses in Old Town with anywhere from 4-30 workers in each business. It's a challenge, but one I know the Lord will bless as He opens new doors and windows to meet people and form relationships. I'm SOOOO EXCITED to love on the fun and diverse community.
3) Ministering- At least one night a week, I meet with a girl that I am reading the book 'Redemption' with. We go out to Starbucks, drink coffee, and chat. I listen to her as she recounts her week (momentarily flashing back to high school...haha) and we discuss the weeks reading from the book. READ IT! It's GREAT! Another day every week I will also be meeting with my LTG (Life transformation group) which is basically an accountability group to love,grow, and walk with through life.
4) Children's Ministry- Children's. Ministry. My calling. The whole reason I even came out here. Unfortunately, because the majority of my ministry work has primarily been from the office; I've had to do it on Saturdays as it's just not feasible to go to the office after work (which will change once I am able to drive myself)). But I love it!! I've had to learn to really balance my schedule, and not procrastinate. I've also been forced out of my comfort zone as I have to actually call people (i HATE talking on the phone...haha... but i've had to change that). I feel like every week is truly getting better as I'm learning the ropes and figuring out how to be better prepared, and more intentional in my dealings with the children, their families, and the team members of G4 kids. Because of the timing and the holidays coming up, we haven't been able to provide many outreach activities; but that will definitely change come the new year as the Lord is revealing to me a vision of what the program will look like down the road. I am honored, blessed, and humbled to have this opportunity to serve and minister to these children and their parents.
5) Church @ Winchester.- Wow. Just wow. Church on Sundays basically takes up the entire day between set-up/tear-down and the inevitable exhaustion that follows as we all crash and reminisce on the week that has occurred and process all of the choices we made and what needs to happen for next week.
But I say 'wow', because in those few hours that we spend in church; I am reminded of just how GREAT God is... and how insignificant I am. This world is not about me, God could easily complete His work without me... but He chooses to use me in His ministry. There are sundays when I walk down the hall and listen to the music playing, the voices lifting up His name... and nearly break down then and there speechless in awe of Christ. The steadfast, sufficient Creator...
6) Sabbath--
Needless to say, my schedule has been busy.
A few days ago, I was sharing with a friend about how things were going, and his question was basically, 'Are you taking time for Sabbath?' (p.s. I love having friends who are willing to ask me the tough questions..)
And the answer is.... yes.
I am very aware of the dangers that lurk when you become overly obsessed with your role in a ministry instead of recognizing (your unimportance) and (God's greatness). I am human though, and thus in the process of figuring out how I will combat that as time goes on and the potential to get comfortable sets in... but I have also found that through all the chaos; there are random times in my day when I can just stop the world around me; and meet God in our special meeting place. The Lord has truly been revealing and teaching so much; that I need it... I have to have that special connection where it's just Him and me.
So. That basically covers it. It's a 24/7 constantly moving; joy-filled, energy-exhausting, spiritually-rewarding lifestyle. And it's definitely not for the faint of heart... I am truly blessed, honored, and humbled that God would call me to this lifestyle, and look forward to what He has in store next.
With much love,
Kristina :-)
And basically it's like this...
The extent of ministry that I have known has truly been part-time. There were the Sundays' serving in the nurseries... or the children's sermons during the service. I've done the children's program for the convention for a few years now, and led Bible Study at camp for Jr. 1. Opening up my apartment to friends while I lived in Huntington also served as a great ministry tool.
And it's the culmination of all those God-led times and opportunities that I truly believe have brought me to where I am today-- full-time ministry. The biggest difference being... when you're full-time... you are FULL TIME. hahaha. So here's the 411 on what I have experienced so far in the past 2 weeks...
(also, the order is not in order of importance, but just how I would like to address each topic in perspective to my experiences in ministry.)
1) Job- Working in ministry and having a full-time job is tough. I work 9-6 every day which basically means that for a good 6 out of the 9 hours I'm at work; my attentions are focused on 8 little toddlers. However, working such hours has also been a help in meeting people in the community. My work is right next to Sheetz, so I'm basically going in there every morning during my breaks to get coffee. I have now met almost everyone that works there, and am slowly but surely building relationships with the folks of Sheetz. Also, I work in close quarters with several teachers, one of whom happens to be a believer as well! (We bonded over this fact). So even in the time that I'm at work, God is at work as well. Many of the teachers have asked me how I came to Winchester and about my transition here; and it's been an incredible opportunity to share what Christ has done for me and my life. They look at me with bewilderment as I share the past few months and the trust in Christ which has sustained me. It's also been a great opportunity to invite folks to church. No one has come yet, but I'm not discouraged... all in the Lord's timing.
2) Hospitality- (P.S. I would still do this even if i didn't live with the preacher's family) At least 1-2 nights a week, Shay and Sarah have guests come over for a meal. It's an opportunity in which we can truly get to know the folks in the congregation, as well as minister to new guests of the church and members of the community. And we all know my love for food and using it to further God's kingdom; so it's a very natural thing for me. Furthermore, I'm in the process of doing research and preparing a community outreach in which we will be ministering to the businesses of Old Time by baking them a plate of cookies. And it may seem like a small feet... but don't be fooled... there are 75 businesses in Old Town with anywhere from 4-30 workers in each business. It's a challenge, but one I know the Lord will bless as He opens new doors and windows to meet people and form relationships. I'm SOOOO EXCITED to love on the fun and diverse community.
3) Ministering- At least one night a week, I meet with a girl that I am reading the book 'Redemption' with. We go out to Starbucks, drink coffee, and chat. I listen to her as she recounts her week (momentarily flashing back to high school...haha) and we discuss the weeks reading from the book. READ IT! It's GREAT! Another day every week I will also be meeting with my LTG (Life transformation group) which is basically an accountability group to love,grow, and walk with through life.
4) Children's Ministry- Children's. Ministry. My calling. The whole reason I even came out here. Unfortunately, because the majority of my ministry work has primarily been from the office; I've had to do it on Saturdays as it's just not feasible to go to the office after work (which will change once I am able to drive myself)). But I love it!! I've had to learn to really balance my schedule, and not procrastinate. I've also been forced out of my comfort zone as I have to actually call people (i HATE talking on the phone...haha... but i've had to change that). I feel like every week is truly getting better as I'm learning the ropes and figuring out how to be better prepared, and more intentional in my dealings with the children, their families, and the team members of G4 kids. Because of the timing and the holidays coming up, we haven't been able to provide many outreach activities; but that will definitely change come the new year as the Lord is revealing to me a vision of what the program will look like down the road. I am honored, blessed, and humbled to have this opportunity to serve and minister to these children and their parents.
5) Church @ Winchester.- Wow. Just wow. Church on Sundays basically takes up the entire day between set-up/tear-down and the inevitable exhaustion that follows as we all crash and reminisce on the week that has occurred and process all of the choices we made and what needs to happen for next week.
But I say 'wow', because in those few hours that we spend in church; I am reminded of just how GREAT God is... and how insignificant I am. This world is not about me, God could easily complete His work without me... but He chooses to use me in His ministry. There are sundays when I walk down the hall and listen to the music playing, the voices lifting up His name... and nearly break down then and there speechless in awe of Christ. The steadfast, sufficient Creator...
6) Sabbath--
Needless to say, my schedule has been busy.
A few days ago, I was sharing with a friend about how things were going, and his question was basically, 'Are you taking time for Sabbath?' (p.s. I love having friends who are willing to ask me the tough questions..)
And the answer is.... yes.
I am very aware of the dangers that lurk when you become overly obsessed with your role in a ministry instead of recognizing (your unimportance) and (God's greatness). I am human though, and thus in the process of figuring out how I will combat that as time goes on and the potential to get comfortable sets in... but I have also found that through all the chaos; there are random times in my day when I can just stop the world around me; and meet God in our special meeting place. The Lord has truly been revealing and teaching so much; that I need it... I have to have that special connection where it's just Him and me.
So. That basically covers it. It's a 24/7 constantly moving; joy-filled, energy-exhausting, spiritually-rewarding lifestyle. And it's definitely not for the faint of heart... I am truly blessed, honored, and humbled that God would call me to this lifestyle, and look forward to what He has in store next.
With much love,
Kristina :-)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)