Life... is about to completely change-- yet again... ;-)

One year. I have now lived in Winchester for an entire year... the most exhausting, strenuous, trying, convicting, incredible, humbling, amazing, spiritually growing, inspiring, eye-opening, wonderful, ABSOLUTE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. 

And my friends, it's slowly coming to a close. 

Just a simple 6 months ago I had a completely different idea of what today would look like... and then the Lord closed some doors and began opening others; and here I am today. 

So what exactly is going on and where am I going next? 

Well... I'll start from the 'beginning' of it all... 

About 4 months ago one of my absolute best friends Sammi-Jo got married. A while before the wedding she informed me that her fiance-at-the-time wanted to 'set me up' with his best man... thinking this was a terrible and awkward idea, I brushed it off as hodge-podge and made different plans. However... God has a way of laughing at my plans... ha... 

The wedding came and I was introduced to a tall, dark, and incredibly handsome fella. At first, I thought, yea... this is awkward... and then I started talking to him... and next thing I knew; I REALLY wanted to get to know him better. We went on a date to D.C.... and the rest is history. ;-) He is quite amazing... loves the Lord with all his heart.. smart.. mature... handsome.... sweet... hilarious... handsome... haha... (ok, ok, I'll stop... ;-)) 

In the meantime of this new development; I began evaluating the past year and seeking what I needed to do with the place I was. The past year of ministry and working full time has taught me that I have a lot to learn... it reignited the desire to go back to school (I've actually missed it) and to pursue a masters in ministry. (Due to my schedules I had not yet been able to begin.) However, knowing that I would not be able to keep both jobs; it soon became evident that I would have to start making some tough decisions. At that point I realized that it was time to resign from my position as the children's minister at the church. With that being said though, I also quickly realized that with Ethan living 2 hours away; I really wanted to be a little closer... and now comes part 3 of my upcoming journey... prepare yourselves--- it's a doozy.

I needed a new job.

Long, long, LONG ago; I dreamed of one day becoming a flight attendant. I never imagined the dream could, let alone would, come to fruition. One night as I pondered my current stage in life, I realized it would be the perfect time to try. So I did. (And to spare you the boring details; I'll just skip to the end). On March 16th (one day after my birthday); I will be flying to Dallas, Texas; to begin my 8 1/2 week long training with American Airlines as a flight attendant. Lord willing, I will be able to be based out of D.C.

So... that basically brings you up to speed... there's so much more I would love to say; but honestly, I'm tired at the moment; so I won't... but I'd love to get a cup of coffee and share all the amazing things God is doing in my life in more detail!

There are still a lot of questions and 'what-if's''... but I'm choosing to trust in God and His sovereignty... living each and every day to the fullest--seeking to glorify God in what I do, and praising Him for His endless grace and constant blessings.

In Christ,

Kristina (Miss Pickles) Vlasic

Just a tad bit early...

Sooo I realize it's a little early... but it's for the Christmas issue; so just pretend it's December.. ;-)

CHRISTMAS TIME IS FINALLY HERE! The leaves of spring have sprung and withered away. The summer sun has warmed us and now provides us with just a fraction of the heat as the cold winds of winter and snow slowly blow over our homes and towns signaling the arrival of that glorious time of year. Not only do we get to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ; but we get to have fun doing it! One of my many favorite things about Christmas is the lights. I absolutely love Christmas lights. To be completely honest, I keep some sort of Christmas lights up all year long (and believe me, a lot of my friends have made fun of me for it). I simply love the twinkle of those little lights as they dance along my walls. Have you ever just sat and looked at a Christmas tree all lit up and seen how truly beautiful it is as each bulb on a strand weaves in and out of the branches? I love how even the smallest strand of lights can fill an entire room with feelings of comfort and warmth. But most of all; I love that a single strand of lights can completely pierce the darkness no matter what the circumstances.

Part of the reason I keep my lights up all-year-round is that they remind me of the best Light of all; the LIGHT to the dark world we live in. In John 1 it says, ‘In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it (vs 4-5). Jesus is the light that God sent to shine bright in the darkness of the world, and the best part is that no matter what, no matter how hard it tries; darkness will never ever be able to overcome the light of Jesus. Jesus is the light of our lives; His word (the Bible) is the lamp unto our feet. The light of Jesus and His word show us how to live a life pleasing to Christ, how to love the people around us, and how to be a light unto others.

There is an old song that you probably know by heart- and it goes a little like this…

‘This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!’ Some of you might even remember singing it at this past summer’s convention. Not only did God give the world Jesus, but He lets us have the light of Jesus in US so that WE can shine it the rest of the world making Jesus shine even brighter and brighter. Think about this for a moment… did you know that the moon (that big bright shining thing in the sky at night) doesn’t actually glow on it’s own? Did you know that the brightness that we see at night is actually the reflection of the sun? That’s kinda how we as Christians work with the light of Jesus. Alone, we are nothing… but when we have Jesus in our hearts we reflect His light to the rest of the world. Because of that light; other people get to see Jesus.

So as you gaze upon the lights that decorate your houses and streets and towns; I hope you will remember the most important light of all. I pray that you remember that no matter what; darkness and sadness and hard times will NEVER overcome the Light of Jesus. Lastly, I hope and pray that you will keep Jesus in your heart so that you can be a light to the people and world around you.

Until we meet again my wonderful friends; Merry Christmas!

Miss Pickles

Ouch...

Listening to a podcast today on resting; I found something so simple-- to be ridiculously profound... 'When you hurry; some relationship is damaged-- somewhere' And almost immediately my sinful nature wanted to get defensive and quickly pull up excuses or try to defend my often too-busy life... but the truth is... if I'm honest with myself; the only reason I want to argue it- is because I know it's true, and I just don't want to be held accountable to it... or 'deal with it'.

Ironically, my next instinct was to start thinking of the people in my life who I feel have done that to me... those who in the hurry and busy of their life; have neglected our friendship or shown their lack of care by not reaching out... and once again; conviction struck deep...

How many times have I not called back because I was just too busy...
How many times have I not texted back because I was just too busy...
How many opportunities to life an abundant life have I missed because I was just too busy just living...
How many times have I missed the change to share the Gospel; because I was just too busy...
How many times have I missed the cry of a friend; because I was just too busy...
How many times have I let a friendship deteriorate because I was just too busy...
How many times have I neglected my own family.... because I was just too busy...
How many times have I gotten so 'busy' 'doing ministry'; that I've neglected God; Himself... and forgotten WHY I do ministry in the first place.
And how many MORE times will I hurt those around me; because I choose to be 'just too busy'...

I am the chief of all sinners.

phew... that was a painful punch in the gut...

Today; I'm thankful for my family and friends who have shown so much grace in all those times... but moreover;

I'm beyond grateful and humbled by my God who daily pours out grace that I will never be able to fully comprehend.

25 & Single & Living in a family-oriented community. (Welp... here ya go-- my 2 cents on the matter... )

As each day ticks on and I come closer and closer to yet another year of singleness; I feel the need to enlighten you on just exactly what it feels like to be a 25 and single gal, and maybe give you a few tips on how to encourage me-- and others like me.  

Where do I even start?

I've never had a boyfriend.
Ever.
In my life.

I've be 'interested' in guys, and had guys 'pursue' me, but I've never went through with an actual commitment to pursue an actual relationship. For the most part, I was scared. Then there were the guys that I knew in my heart of hearts weren't the kind of man that would lead me closer to Christ. I won't bore you with the details of middle school and high school love, since we all know that's almost all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo anyways. So let's just go ahead and skip to college...
The first year or two; I was basically a complete and utter flirt. I had grown up in a tiny town of like 15 people (ok.. maybe more like 20... ;-)) and was used to the 'you're like a sister' and 'we're just such best friends', or my favorite, 'actually, I'm totally into your friend--what's her number?'.... so when I got to college and the dating pool opened up to several thousand eligible bachelors; my hormones went CRAZY. I began to take 'revenge' on all the past boys that had hurt me by flirting with guys, making them think I was interested, and then dropping them like they were hott. The sad thing was that I didn't even feel bad about it-- because it hadn't dawned on me that what I was - in fact - doing, was finding my identity in the ability to attract a member of the opposite sex. 
Then, about Christmas of my junior year; my brothers Petar and Christian really knocked me off my pedestal one night as they gave me the male perspective of being treated the way I treated men. Attracting and dumping men had become a game to me. A toy to be dominated and controlled. And that's just not right... it's not Biblical. So I went back to school that semester and decided to give all of it to Christ. Not to say that I didn't struggle often, but when you slowly begin to see men as potential husbands and spiritual leaders of your household, you tend to treat them differently; with more respect. I had figured out exactly what I wouldn't settle for and kept that in mind as I met new people. While it got me through another very different year; that mindset was still missing a key element..

About 2 years ago, (yea... JUST 2 years ago) I finally realized what that key element was. It wasn't that my mentality of having standards of what I desired in a future mate was wrong... it just wasn't right. Because while I wasn't looking for my identity in guys anymore; I still wasn't looking for it IN Christ. THAT was the key missing element. Which brings me to where I am now.

I'm 25 years old and I'm single. I'm still a virgin, I've never even been kissed. 
And I'm okay with that, because I am content in Christ. 

I'm still human. I still desire a husband... I just can't spend my life waiting on something so trivial and miss the things that God is doing in my life; right NOW. ((Think about it... I couldn't have moved to Winchester had I been involved with anyone... and when I think about the past 9 months... I'm SO glad I was able to do it.)

Which brings me to my title of 25 & Single & Living in a family-orientated community. I'll be honest... sometimes; it's extremely hard. While it's such a blessing and encouragement to be surrounded with believers in healthy and honest marriages it occasionally sucks. Sometimes, it feels like having a fiery marshmallow (thank you Dennis the Menace for the visual) thrown at your face. But here's the thing... GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.
And while I don't struggle with singleness very often; it's still something that I do struggle with. I still struggle with finding my identity in Christ... but believe me that it gets easier with Jesus. I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE what God is DOING in my life. And up to this point; there are a lot of things I wouldn't have been able to do had there been a man in my life.

So let me give you a few tips on how you can encourage me...

1. Let me joke about it.
If I joke about it... or post funny 'Dear Future-Husband' statuses... I promise to you that I am not crying out for help or sympathy. I'm 25 and single... BIG DEAL... The way I see it; I love to laugh at myself. (Which then allows me to be able to laugh at YOU! ;-)) And you KNOW it's funny that I'm THIS deathly petrified of spiders.... ;-) Let me have fun with it. Lord-willing i won't be single forever; and one day I won't be able to tease myself about it... so let me enjoy the humorous sides of my circumstances while I still can.

2. Don't patronize me & Ask me how I could still be single.
This kinda goes with number 1. I'm not stupid. I'm not an idiot. I've read the books. I've heard the lectures. I know that God is working on my future husband. I figure that one day some guy will sweep me off my feet; and I will hopefully get married. But please don't patronize me with comments about how he's out there, and the 'keep your chin up' crap because honestly, that does the opposite of encouraging me... it actually depresses and annoys me more than anything. hahaha. Seriously though.  I am fully aware of my circumstances, and don't need you pointing out the obvious. I'm not blind... 
**Now, I apologize if that seems harsh, as I know most people have the best intentions of just wanting to encourage... so let me tell you HOW to encourage me...

3. Pray for me.
PRAY FOR ME. 
Pray that I continue to seek and follow God. 
Pray that I give EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life to Christ, and that I don't fall into the traps of wallowing in pity. 
Pray for my future husband... pray for our marriage. 
Pray for any kids the Lord may bring my way.
Pray for my ministry. 
Pray that I have focus in all I do. 
Pray that I am intentional in all of my relationships. 
Pray that I trust God and His answers to prayer. 
Pray that I continue to grow as a Proverbs 31 kind of gal. 
Pray that the Lord continues to bless me with people that are in a similar stage in life. 
Pray that we will grow in love and in Christ.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pray for me. :-)


Again, I hope I don't sound harsh... I just needed to get it out there that YES, I AM 25 and SINGLE... And I love it. I also greatly look forward to my future husband and future marriage.... I can't WAIT to wake up on a Sunday morning and make homemade cinnamon rolls for my husband and kids. But right now, it's not the right time... and if the past few years have taught me anything; it's that I'd rather go with HIS timing than my own... 



Dear future husband;

I hope you're ready. Cause we're gonna rock this world for Jesus.

Sincerely,
~ Take my life Lord, and let it be; consecrated, Lord, to THEE!

With tears streaming from my face...

Years ago I remember sitting in my dad's home office playing on xanga (MAN, I feel old...haha) when I heard this song... 

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

 Sitting there I remember thinking; 'Man... I want that to be me.' I want to fall THAT in love with my Lord. I want to trust Him with open hands and an open heart....

 He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
I want to fall in love with you.

Now fast track to tonight...

I had just left community group having shared some special 'God moments' (ask me about them when you can).... with tears of pure joy and excitement streaming endlessly from my face. As I climbed into my car and turned on the engine; I hit the CD button; and wouldn't you know it... that amazing song came on....

And the tears came even stronger as I realized that it  had happened. I realized that my prayer from so many years ago has been answered. I don't know when, I'm not really even sure how... but I fell in love. I fell in love with my Savior; and my life hasn't been the same since.

Pray for me, my friends, as I head off to share the Gospel and what the Lord has done in my life for a week @ Camp Cowen. I am eager with anticipation and excitement to see God move.

:-) 
-K

Every boat's unsinkable... until something unthinkable sinks it. :-)

At the end of the day; remember that even the most 'unsinkable' of vessels was sunk... by an ice cube...

And if an ice cube can do THAT to a boat that big & bad...

I've been reminded the past few days of just how sinkable I am as a vessel for Christ. So here it comes... the transparent, ugly, and honest truth.

I am, in fact, the chief of sinners. ((pheww... feels good to get that off my chest)

Every single daggone day I make stupid choices and sin; sometimes quite overtly; sometimes unintentionally. I hurt people. I'm hurt by people. I say I trust God; and yet I doubt Him. I make selfish choices out of sheer pride. I take on too much and allow important things to be sacrificed. The list could go on and on... so for the sake of time (cause really... I could go on and on).  let's just skip to my point.

My point being; is that the truth is; while I seem to 'have it all together' ; I beg for grace more often than I can remember... or care to count. 

The truth is- that even a vessel that lives their life with the intentions of glorifying God and being all they can be; is still susceptible to the icebergs that plaque the sea of life we traverse. 
 
I've learned through the past few years; and in particular the past 12 months;  that in all moments (especially those potential capsizing moments) my God... oh my precious Lord...  is so much more than I can ever imagine. He's so much greater than the box I want to keep Him in. His grace pours over me like Niagara Falls.  ((So glad His love is unconditional; and not works based.)). Honestly... even thinking about it now; brings me to tears. 


How beautiful is it that when my vessel is on the brink of capsizing... He can straighten me out; set me back on course; and calibrate my compass to keep me focused on the prize.


For I am nothing; without Christ.



The truth is, I, the vessel itself; is as sinkable as they come... but the Jesus living in me; is not only completely and utterly unsinkable; but He keeps me afloat, and is my life raft when I feel the sea get rough.

As Pastor Shay once told me; eventually every illustration breaks down... but; regardless; I hope you get my drift. ((Get it... drift?? hahahaha lame. I know. lol))

Lots of love!
Kristina

Woww... I wrote this a long time ago... and 3 years later; it still basically applies... haha

So- a few weeks ago, while in a cappuccino induced state, at 2:30 in the morning, I decided to pack up all of my summer clothes and send them to my parents house in an attempt to de-clutter my peanut-sized apartment. While doing so, I failed to remember that I still live here in Huntington and would actually be staying here on the weekends and attending church. Hence, I packed away all of my even remotely dressy clothes leaving me with jeans, scrubs, and hoodies and the occasionally pair of spandex tights...

So- my personal fashion consultant and i went shopping on saturday. (personal fashion consultant- because i lack greatly in the fashion department... im a preschool teacher... come on.....i'm all about the snowman sweaters and colorful hawaiian muumuus... tonya forces me to think outside the preschool box... and realize that i still need to look good outside of school) ANYWHO..... so my pfc and i went shopping to macy's. While there we ate at Ruby Tuesday's, where we successfully convinced our waiter that I was a secret agent who was on a top secret mission to make sure that all ruby tuesday's are using the original "heinz ketchup" instead of the generic "hinz catsup" that has been getting smuggled on the black market.

But that's beside the point.

While browsing through the ""retail-on-this-piece-of-clothing-was-so-ridiculous-that-no-one-in-their-right-mind-would-buy-it-, so-now-we-are-forced-to-attempt-to-clear-it-out-of-the-way-before-we-bring-out-the-new-line-of-clothing-so-ridiculously-expensive-that-no-one-in-ther-right-mind-would-buy-it"" rack, I happened to look over the shoulder of michael jackson's doppelgänger to notice a realitively short man... he was somewhat attractive, and i couldnt help but think that maybe i had known him in a previous life where i was a tight-rope walker for the circus, and he was the lion tamer. Unfortunately it finally hit me, NO SILLY GOOSE, he's your professor. And do you know what my first thought was???
"Quick, duck!!! Don't let him see me!.... WAiT, WHAT~! He doesn't live under the desk at school??? What???"

Anywho, now that I have wasted a good 3 minutes of your life, I'll get to my point.

My point being, that running into him, I felt really silly- JUST BECAUSE i always tease my little two-year-olds cause they absolutely FREAK out when they see me outside of class... like WOAAA you actually have a life?? and don't live in that secret closet you teachers are always going into???? WHAT?? They don't know what to think or how to react... and it amused me because I found myself kind of wondering the exact same thing.... WHATTT??? You have a life?? Weird... lol.

SOOOO. now that you have wasted another minute of your life, i do apologize- but think.... at least you amused yourself by reading my pointless post for 4 minutes rather than stalking your friends like a creeper for 4 minutes hoping to come up with some good-juicy-gossip. ohhh facebook.

welpp... until something else amusing happens,

God bless, have a great evening, and eat more chocolate covered spinach leaves.... hmm.... i might have to to that...

-miss pickles. :-)

So... I'm committed to learning Spanish. Here's why.

This past summer I decided I wanted to learn how to fish. So one day after I had finished all my duties in the kitchen and around camp, I went for a walk to the beach. There I found a fishing pole just lying on the ground.... taking it as a sign it was time to learn; I picked it up and started fidgeting with it. About twenty minutes later I had finally figured out how the one thing fits into the other; and how the spinny thingy goes and when to push the button thingy while casting the hook thingy into the water (you get my drift... i had no idea what i was doing... haha).  Anyways; I found bait some fishers had left behind and went at it. I cast my line into the water and began to wait.  Nothing... I pulled my line back, put more bait on the hook, and tossed it back out... and then it happened... I CAUGHT A FISH! It was at this point that I remembered that I had  NO IDEA what to do next.... there was no one else around and I was standing here with this poor fish gasping for air. I had gone fishing not realizing that I might actually catch a fish. OK, NOW- FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY (If you want to read the full story on the fish, you should check out the blog 'Gone Fishin')

So as most know; I live in a little cottage that is so small it has no hook-up for washer/dryer... and while it's a pain; I really don't mind at all. I spent an entire night perusing the laundromats of Winchester in search of one that didn't seem too shady, and offered reasonably priced machines. One of these places in particular stood out... it's a well-lit, large place that just seemed to be calling my name. The first time I used the place; there was a handful of people; but the entire time I was there I kept thinking, 'You know... this could be a really great outreach kind of place'. And that was the extent of that thought. 

This past week some of my amazing friends offered me the use of their machines so I could wash the *several* weeks that had accumulated... and while the offer was tempting; I turned them down. Why? Because I want to be intentional in all of my actions; and I just felt this pull to the laundromat because I knew it would be a great way to reach the lost of my community. 

So yesterday I packed everything up and hit the laundromat ready to roll... and you know what happened? APPARENTLY EVERY TOM, DICK, and HARRY does his laundry on a Sunday afternoon... the place was PACKED! I couldn't believe how many people were there doing their laundry! So many giggling children running around and their stressed out mothers trying to catch them... it was a bustling, bustling place.... and what did I do? 

I froze.

And in that moment; I was back at the beach; holding that fishing pole as a hooked fish dangled off the pole. I didn't know what to do next...

Because even though I had all intentions of being intentional... I didn't think that there would be a need for me to actually be intentional. I didn't think there would actually be people there that needed Jesus. And I definitely didn't think that there would be SO MANY OF THEM. 

Driving away with a sense of disappointment at my lack of doing anything; I felt the Lord tugging on my heart comforting me while casting a very clear vision.

This was kind of how the conversation went...

'Kristina. These are my people, and they need Me. You are going to pour your heart into the people of your community; and this is where it will start.'

'um... ok God... but yea... I don't speak Spanish... I'm serbian, remember?'

'Kristina. I know exactly what you are. I created you, remember? And I know what you can do; and I know what I can do through you; if you allow me to.'

'well...um... ok... I get what you're saying; but I'm busy... between work and church....'

'Kristina. These are my people, and I am their God. They need me. You are going to pour your heart into the people of your community; and this is where it will start.'

'Alright God. Let's do this.'

And so my friends; 

thus begins my newest journey..... on the road to become trilingual-- for the joy of the Lord... and the sake of the Gospel. 

'Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?'

And I said, 'Here I am. Send me!'

Isaiah 6:8

#thought

Tonight's pickles' blog Is brought to you from my car.... And usually i have had time to process my thoughts before I write out a blog, but this time I was driving and didn't want to forget what I was thinking about... So it's not completely thought out, but I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say.. :-)

Enamored with myself.

Sometimes we can become so enamored with the 'glamorous' work we're doing for Christ, enamored with how wonderful we are at doing His work, or how irreplaceable we are for the advancement of His kingdom; that we can forget that God doesn't 'need' you for His work to be completed; but rather 'chooses' you to do it...


AWWW who am I kidding....

Sometimes I can become so enamored with the glamorous work I am doing for Christ... enamored with how wonderful I am at doing His work, or how irreplaceable I am in the advancement of His kimgdom; that I can forget that God doesn't need 'me' for His work to be completed; but rather 'chooses' me to do it.

God could have used any ole' potential queen to rise up... but He CHOSE Esther.
God could have used any man to come face to face with Pharoah... but He CHOSE Moses...
God could have used any old guy to build an old... but He CHOSE Noah...

Do you get the picture? ...cause I could go on and on...haha...

It is such an honor and blessing to be used by Christ to bring glory to God and help in the advancement of the kingdom... but that can never be an excuse to allow pride to inflate our ego into thinking we are above anyone else.

God knows that He's doing... He created us... He knows our weaknesses and our strentghs... He knows our potential and where we need to grow. He's God. He's in control. And He's got the master plan.

I recently (well... as of today) began a transition in a journey of discipleship where I am basically stepping down and allowing someone else to take lead to the next level. And while my prideful flesh wants to protest for purely selfish reasons; the Spirit inside has calmed my flesh and showed me that the change is truly the next step for spiritual growth. God has used me and my gifts for the time I've been involved; and now has placed someone else with different gifts to continue the work. It is such a humbling experience and yet such an amazing one to see how God weaves together this masterful quilt of life. 

The best part? He's not done with me yet... I eagerly anticipate the next journey He will send me on...

Until we meet again my loves. :-)

 

Today has been a rough day.

I could write you an entertaining blog using flowery words or sarcastic language; but today; I'm just going to give it to you straight.

I've had a rough day. On most days I have a pretty clear head going into work and can take care of babies like nobody's business... but every so often I find myself upon a day where I seem to do everything wrong; forget everything I've learned from the past four months; and completely destroy the schedule we've worked so hard to maintain. Today was one of those days. I couldn't multitask, I kept forgetting to make important notes... I was becoming defensive over every little thing that was said to me; because I was taking every little thing said to me as a personal attack. I was confused with what was going on; felt like I had never taken care of a child... doubting my basic abilities as a care provider, and feeling as if I was a disappointment. And inevitably, when days like this hit; I begin to question my sheer adequacy as a potential mother. 

So. 

When a reprieve in the form of a lunch break came; I was too eager to get away for the hour. 

I grabbed up my things; and made a dash for the my car; thinking only that if I lingered to long; I might be asked to take something to the office; or drop something off at the laundry. (Under normal circumstances, it's not difficult at all to serve in such small ways... but today... today it was just not happening.) I cranked up my AC and hit the road to Starbucks. It's only about 2 blocks away from work; and the idea of sipping a cold macchiato while sitting outside in the sun for an hour was too refreshing to deny. So I went, got my drink, sat my stuff down at a chair with an umbrella; and began to gush out on my day to God. I admitted how I felt inadequate as a teacher; and childcare provider... I poured out my feelings of frustration and irritation at how defensive I had been getting... and began to ask why I was taking everything so personally... why was I such a bona fide mess today?!? I took out my Bible (turns out keeping it in your bag 24/7 makes it quite handy) and turned to 1 Peter (it's been part of our sermon series the past few weeks) and began to just reread. As I read; thoughts of God's grace began to flood my mind.. and the importance of steadfast faith. That I am not of this world; that there are so many bigger fish to be fried that the little tidbits that make up an 8-hour shift. I repented of some of the sins I had committed in that short 5 hours, even if they had never left my mind; and began to pray for a change in spirit; a heart of service; and a renewed love for my children.

And the most amazing part? I know that my identity shouldn't be in idols of acceptance and what not; but today; for that moment in time, I didn't just KNOW it... I FELT my identity in Christ once again. And I was right... I'm not adequate... I'm truly not any good... and I will fail as a parent... and there lies the beauty-- that in my insufficiency; God is sufficient. It's in my weaknesses and shortcomings that Christ is able to show His glory and grace, and once again put me in my place. ~He must become greater, I must become less...

As my time alone with God came to an end; I felt refreshed, forgiven, and loved... I felt the warmth of not only the sun... but THE Son... 

I have found that in ministry it's very easy to dish out advice and tips on how to stay in-tuned with God and overcome sinful natures and desires... it's easy to know how to think and what to think... the hard part is putting it in practice. *Truly practicing and living out what you preach... 

My friends; I leave you for now. 

Until we meet again;

Kristina Sarah Pickles Vlasic

Insight to my soul #315-- I am like... a seashell. #holla

I am like a sea shell, created in the heart of the ocean by the good Lord ALmighty Himself.
I am similar to my brother and sister shells, yet I am different, bizarre, unique... I am beautiful.
I am whole, yet I am broken.
I am rough around the edges, yet smooth from the water washing over me.
I am complicated, I am intricate.

In the quiet of one dark night, the ocean placed me upon the shores.
Sand washed over me, covering me mostly except for that little tip that still shone through the sand.
The next morning an eager sheller arose early from their slumber and began combing the shores for that one shell. However, in their mind they had already picked out EXACTLY what they wanted... and so as they passed the tip that shone in the sunlight, that sheller just continued walking.
The next morning, another sheller decided to tempt their fate upon the beaches. The sheller walked along, slowly but surely, noticing all that was on the beach. As he walked by the lonely shell, he noticed the tip jutting from the sand. "I wonder what that might be?" He contemplated. But alas, he was not interested in spending time or exerting effort to find out so he continued on his path.
The third day came the final sheller. Mature and knowledgeable in the art of the great find, this sheller slowly wandered the beach gazing across the ocean taking the time to notice, when he stumbled upon that tip that had now been even more covered by sand. He bent down and looked, seeing the potential that shown from just the little piece. The iridescent patterns were intriguing... The sheller stood up, but instead of moving on- rather took out a tiny shovel and began to remove the sand around the shell.... slowly....painstakingly... with much effort and care the sheller dug away at the sand until all that was left was the most beautiful shell he could have ever imagined.
The sheller picked up the delicate shell and cradled it as he marveled at his resplendent find.

One day- my sheller will come. ;-)
God is good and ever faithful. He brings me peace... especially in the areas I struggle the most.
:-)