So... I'm committed to learning Spanish. Here's why.

This past summer I decided I wanted to learn how to fish. So one day after I had finished all my duties in the kitchen and around camp, I went for a walk to the beach. There I found a fishing pole just lying on the ground.... taking it as a sign it was time to learn; I picked it up and started fidgeting with it. About twenty minutes later I had finally figured out how the one thing fits into the other; and how the spinny thingy goes and when to push the button thingy while casting the hook thingy into the water (you get my drift... i had no idea what i was doing... haha).  Anyways; I found bait some fishers had left behind and went at it. I cast my line into the water and began to wait.  Nothing... I pulled my line back, put more bait on the hook, and tossed it back out... and then it happened... I CAUGHT A FISH! It was at this point that I remembered that I had  NO IDEA what to do next.... there was no one else around and I was standing here with this poor fish gasping for air. I had gone fishing not realizing that I might actually catch a fish. OK, NOW- FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY (If you want to read the full story on the fish, you should check out the blog 'Gone Fishin')

So as most know; I live in a little cottage that is so small it has no hook-up for washer/dryer... and while it's a pain; I really don't mind at all. I spent an entire night perusing the laundromats of Winchester in search of one that didn't seem too shady, and offered reasonably priced machines. One of these places in particular stood out... it's a well-lit, large place that just seemed to be calling my name. The first time I used the place; there was a handful of people; but the entire time I was there I kept thinking, 'You know... this could be a really great outreach kind of place'. And that was the extent of that thought. 

This past week some of my amazing friends offered me the use of their machines so I could wash the *several* weeks that had accumulated... and while the offer was tempting; I turned them down. Why? Because I want to be intentional in all of my actions; and I just felt this pull to the laundromat because I knew it would be a great way to reach the lost of my community. 

So yesterday I packed everything up and hit the laundromat ready to roll... and you know what happened? APPARENTLY EVERY TOM, DICK, and HARRY does his laundry on a Sunday afternoon... the place was PACKED! I couldn't believe how many people were there doing their laundry! So many giggling children running around and their stressed out mothers trying to catch them... it was a bustling, bustling place.... and what did I do? 

I froze.

And in that moment; I was back at the beach; holding that fishing pole as a hooked fish dangled off the pole. I didn't know what to do next...

Because even though I had all intentions of being intentional... I didn't think that there would be a need for me to actually be intentional. I didn't think there would actually be people there that needed Jesus. And I definitely didn't think that there would be SO MANY OF THEM. 

Driving away with a sense of disappointment at my lack of doing anything; I felt the Lord tugging on my heart comforting me while casting a very clear vision.

This was kind of how the conversation went...

'Kristina. These are my people, and they need Me. You are going to pour your heart into the people of your community; and this is where it will start.'

'um... ok God... but yea... I don't speak Spanish... I'm serbian, remember?'

'Kristina. I know exactly what you are. I created you, remember? And I know what you can do; and I know what I can do through you; if you allow me to.'

'well...um... ok... I get what you're saying; but I'm busy... between work and church....'

'Kristina. These are my people, and I am their God. They need me. You are going to pour your heart into the people of your community; and this is where it will start.'

'Alright God. Let's do this.'

And so my friends; 

thus begins my newest journey..... on the road to become trilingual-- for the joy of the Lord... and the sake of the Gospel. 

'Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?'

And I said, 'Here I am. Send me!'

Isaiah 6:8

#thought

Tonight's pickles' blog Is brought to you from my car.... And usually i have had time to process my thoughts before I write out a blog, but this time I was driving and didn't want to forget what I was thinking about... So it's not completely thought out, but I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say.. :-)

Enamored with myself.

Sometimes we can become so enamored with the 'glamorous' work we're doing for Christ, enamored with how wonderful we are at doing His work, or how irreplaceable we are for the advancement of His kingdom; that we can forget that God doesn't 'need' you for His work to be completed; but rather 'chooses' you to do it...


AWWW who am I kidding....

Sometimes I can become so enamored with the glamorous work I am doing for Christ... enamored with how wonderful I am at doing His work, or how irreplaceable I am in the advancement of His kimgdom; that I can forget that God doesn't need 'me' for His work to be completed; but rather 'chooses' me to do it.

God could have used any ole' potential queen to rise up... but He CHOSE Esther.
God could have used any man to come face to face with Pharoah... but He CHOSE Moses...
God could have used any old guy to build an old... but He CHOSE Noah...

Do you get the picture? ...cause I could go on and on...haha...

It is such an honor and blessing to be used by Christ to bring glory to God and help in the advancement of the kingdom... but that can never be an excuse to allow pride to inflate our ego into thinking we are above anyone else.

God knows that He's doing... He created us... He knows our weaknesses and our strentghs... He knows our potential and where we need to grow. He's God. He's in control. And He's got the master plan.

I recently (well... as of today) began a transition in a journey of discipleship where I am basically stepping down and allowing someone else to take lead to the next level. And while my prideful flesh wants to protest for purely selfish reasons; the Spirit inside has calmed my flesh and showed me that the change is truly the next step for spiritual growth. God has used me and my gifts for the time I've been involved; and now has placed someone else with different gifts to continue the work. It is such a humbling experience and yet such an amazing one to see how God weaves together this masterful quilt of life. 

The best part? He's not done with me yet... I eagerly anticipate the next journey He will send me on...

Until we meet again my loves. :-)

 

Today has been a rough day.

I could write you an entertaining blog using flowery words or sarcastic language; but today; I'm just going to give it to you straight.

I've had a rough day. On most days I have a pretty clear head going into work and can take care of babies like nobody's business... but every so often I find myself upon a day where I seem to do everything wrong; forget everything I've learned from the past four months; and completely destroy the schedule we've worked so hard to maintain. Today was one of those days. I couldn't multitask, I kept forgetting to make important notes... I was becoming defensive over every little thing that was said to me; because I was taking every little thing said to me as a personal attack. I was confused with what was going on; felt like I had never taken care of a child... doubting my basic abilities as a care provider, and feeling as if I was a disappointment. And inevitably, when days like this hit; I begin to question my sheer adequacy as a potential mother. 

So. 

When a reprieve in the form of a lunch break came; I was too eager to get away for the hour. 

I grabbed up my things; and made a dash for the my car; thinking only that if I lingered to long; I might be asked to take something to the office; or drop something off at the laundry. (Under normal circumstances, it's not difficult at all to serve in such small ways... but today... today it was just not happening.) I cranked up my AC and hit the road to Starbucks. It's only about 2 blocks away from work; and the idea of sipping a cold macchiato while sitting outside in the sun for an hour was too refreshing to deny. So I went, got my drink, sat my stuff down at a chair with an umbrella; and began to gush out on my day to God. I admitted how I felt inadequate as a teacher; and childcare provider... I poured out my feelings of frustration and irritation at how defensive I had been getting... and began to ask why I was taking everything so personally... why was I such a bona fide mess today?!? I took out my Bible (turns out keeping it in your bag 24/7 makes it quite handy) and turned to 1 Peter (it's been part of our sermon series the past few weeks) and began to just reread. As I read; thoughts of God's grace began to flood my mind.. and the importance of steadfast faith. That I am not of this world; that there are so many bigger fish to be fried that the little tidbits that make up an 8-hour shift. I repented of some of the sins I had committed in that short 5 hours, even if they had never left my mind; and began to pray for a change in spirit; a heart of service; and a renewed love for my children.

And the most amazing part? I know that my identity shouldn't be in idols of acceptance and what not; but today; for that moment in time, I didn't just KNOW it... I FELT my identity in Christ once again. And I was right... I'm not adequate... I'm truly not any good... and I will fail as a parent... and there lies the beauty-- that in my insufficiency; God is sufficient. It's in my weaknesses and shortcomings that Christ is able to show His glory and grace, and once again put me in my place. ~He must become greater, I must become less...

As my time alone with God came to an end; I felt refreshed, forgiven, and loved... I felt the warmth of not only the sun... but THE Son... 

I have found that in ministry it's very easy to dish out advice and tips on how to stay in-tuned with God and overcome sinful natures and desires... it's easy to know how to think and what to think... the hard part is putting it in practice. *Truly practicing and living out what you preach... 

My friends; I leave you for now. 

Until we meet again;

Kristina Sarah Pickles Vlasic