As each day ticks on and I come closer and closer to yet another year of singleness; I feel the need to enlighten you on just exactly what it feels like to be a 25 and single gal, and maybe give you a few tips on how to encourage me-- and others like me.
Where do I even start?
I've never had a boyfriend.
Ever.
In my life.
I've be 'interested' in guys, and had guys 'pursue' me, but I've never went through with an actual commitment to pursue an actual relationship. For the most part, I was scared. Then there were the guys that I knew in my heart of hearts weren't the kind of man that would lead me closer to Christ. I won't bore you with the details of middle school and high school love, since we all know that's almost all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo anyways. So let's just go ahead and skip to college...
The first year or two; I was basically a complete and utter flirt. I had grown up in a tiny town of like 15 people (ok.. maybe more like 20... ;-)) and was used to the 'you're like a sister' and 'we're just such best friends', or my favorite, 'actually, I'm totally into your friend--what's her number?'.... so when I got to college and the dating pool opened up to several thousand eligible bachelors; my hormones went CRAZY. I began to take 'revenge' on all the past boys that had hurt me by flirting with guys, making them think I was interested, and then dropping them like they were hott. The sad thing was that I didn't even feel bad about it-- because it hadn't dawned on me that what I was - in fact - doing, was finding my identity in the ability to attract a member of the opposite sex.
Then, about Christmas of my junior year; my brothers Petar and Christian really knocked me off my pedestal one night as they gave me the male perspective of being treated the way I treated men. Attracting and dumping men had become a game to me. A toy to be dominated and controlled. And that's just not right... it's not Biblical. So I went back to school that semester and decided to give all of it to Christ. Not to say that I didn't struggle often, but when you slowly begin to see men as potential husbands and spiritual leaders of your household, you tend to treat them differently; with more respect. I had figured out exactly what I wouldn't settle for and kept that in mind as I met new people. While it got me through another very different year; that mindset was still missing a key element..
About 2 years ago, (yea... JUST 2 years ago) I finally realized what that key element was. It wasn't that my mentality of having standards of what I desired in a future mate was wrong... it just wasn't right. Because while I wasn't looking for my identity in guys anymore; I still wasn't looking for it IN Christ. THAT was the key missing element. Which brings me to where I am now.
I'm 25 years old and I'm single. I'm still a virgin, I've never even been kissed.
And I'm okay with that, because I am content in Christ.
I'm still human. I still desire a husband... I just can't spend my life waiting on something so trivial and miss the things that God is doing in my life; right NOW. ((Think about it... I couldn't have moved to Winchester had I been involved with anyone... and when I think about the past 9 months... I'm SO glad I was able to do it.)
Which brings me to my title of 25 & Single & Living in a family-orientated community. I'll be honest... sometimes; it's extremely hard. While it's such a blessing and encouragement to be surrounded with believers in healthy and honest marriages it occasionally sucks. Sometimes, it feels like having a fiery marshmallow (thank you Dennis the Menace for the visual) thrown at your face. But here's the thing... GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.
And while I don't struggle with singleness very often; it's still something that I do struggle with. I still struggle with finding my identity in Christ... but believe me that it gets easier with Jesus. I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE what God is DOING in my life. And up to this point; there are a lot of things I wouldn't have been able to do had there been a man in my life.
So let me give you a few tips on how you can encourage me...
1. Let me joke about it.
If I joke about it... or post funny 'Dear Future-Husband' statuses... I promise to you that I am not crying out for help or sympathy. I'm 25 and single... BIG DEAL... The way I see it; I love to laugh at myself. (Which then allows me to be able to laugh at YOU! ;-)) And you KNOW it's funny that I'm THIS deathly petrified of spiders.... ;-) Let me have fun with it. Lord-willing i won't be single forever; and one day I won't be able to tease myself about it... so let me enjoy the humorous sides of my circumstances while I still can.
2. Don't patronize me & Ask me how I could still be single.
This kinda goes with number 1. I'm not stupid. I'm not an idiot. I've read the books. I've heard the lectures. I know that God is working on my future husband. I figure that one day some guy will sweep me off my feet; and I will hopefully get married. But please don't patronize me with comments about how he's out there, and the 'keep your chin up' crap because honestly, that does the opposite of encouraging me... it actually depresses and annoys me more than anything. hahaha. Seriously though. I am fully aware of my circumstances, and don't need you pointing out the obvious. I'm not blind...
**Now, I apologize if that seems harsh, as I know most people have the best intentions of just wanting to encourage... so let me tell you HOW to encourage me...
3. Pray for me.
PRAY FOR ME.
Pray that I continue to seek and follow God.
Pray that I give EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life to Christ, and that I don't fall into the traps of wallowing in pity.
Pray for my future husband... pray for our marriage.
Pray for any kids the Lord may bring my way.
Pray for my ministry.
Pray that I have focus in all I do.
Pray that I am intentional in all of my relationships.
Pray that I trust God and His answers to prayer.
Pray that I continue to grow as a Proverbs 31 kind of gal.
Pray that the Lord continues to bless me with people that are in a similar stage in life.
Pray that we will grow in love and in Christ.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pray for me. :-)
Again, I hope I don't sound harsh... I just needed to get it out there that YES, I AM 25 and SINGLE... And I love it. I also greatly look forward to my future husband and future marriage.... I can't WAIT to wake up on a Sunday morning and make homemade cinnamon rolls for my husband and kids. But right now, it's not the right time... and if the past few years have taught me anything; it's that I'd rather go with HIS timing than my own...
Dear future husband;
I hope you're ready. Cause we're gonna rock this world for Jesus.
Sincerely,
~ Take my life Lord, and let it be; consecrated, Lord, to THEE!
amazing as usual...speaking of which..did you get the picture I sent you of "I found Mr. Right?"
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