Reasons I love MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)
- I get to drink coffee and eat breakfast foods. (Getting to enjoy an entire cup of coffee while it's actually HOT ??.. it's a beautiful thing in mommy world.)
- Chatting with other ladies who are in the same phase of life. (Your 2 year old JUST started sleeping through the night?? I thought 11 months of constant wakings and sleep deprivation was rough....)
- And of course, doing those two things while a wonderfully fun and responsible adult takes care of my child. For free. (I had to search around for one that had responsible free childcare.... but they're out there!)
Seriously though, if you're a momma of youngons and haven't found an avenue of support from like-minded mamas, check out your local group-- it may be well worth it.
SOOOOOOO... my 'confession' of motherhood?
This past Thursday I had MOPS. I had an awesome time connecting and chatting with ladies about everything you could imagine while slowly sipping on my *hot* coffee and enjoying every precious second of it. (I also enjoyed **cough, cough** like 3 donut holes from Dunkin.... okay it was 4. I had 4. And they were delicious. Every single one of them.) It was wonderful. I left feeling refreshed, encouraged, and ready to tackle the rest of my day. That is, of course, until it all came crashing down.
The details of the situation aren't as important as just to say that I had words spoken to me about my parenting that just slapped me in the face (and the back of my head, and my arms, and legs, basically blue all over) like a MACK truck barrelling down the wrong side of the highway. (Yea, so maybe that's overdramatic, but you know you've also been there when just a few simple words hurt you to your core.)
I went from feeling encouraged and excited, to tears streaming down my face as I called my husband asking him if I was really that terrible of a mother. Naturally he tried his best to lift me up; but let's just be honest, the damage was done and a few sweet wonderful words from my hubby weren't going to be enough. (Although seriously, he's the best thing ever.) What was going on with me? Why was I letting something so silly bring me down so much? And why did I at all care what someone else, who doesn't live with me, who isn't parenting my child, who has absolutely no say in how we raise her, had to say? I don't know. Maybe because they were right? Nah... probably not. Maybe because I'm insecure in what I'm doing? (Well, let's be honest, sometimes parenting is just going through an arsenal of ideas and tips and tricks... but that still wasn't it)
I sat there trying to compose myself while baby girl just stared up at me with those pretty little eyes. She's got the prettiest little eyes- and that smile? Oh...it can just light up a room.
And that's when it hit me. I was once again reminded, God picked ME to be her momma. I tell myself this often when I'm struggling in mommyland. The Lord knows all. He knows all my insecurities and doubts in parenting. He knows my occasional wins and pretty constant struggles. He knows my heart.
He also knows the areas where I still need work. He knows where I need to be refined both as a mother and a wife......and a believer. He knows my heart... all of my heart. Which reminds me of the things I know.
I know I need the Lord. I know that without His guidance, I can't be the mother and wife he has called me to be. I know that I am a sinner and need grace. Truly though, morning by morning new mercies I see. I recognize how faithful He is, and how faithless I can be. I know that I need to constantly and consistently seek my identity in HIM and not in motherhood, or parenting, being a perfect wife or any part of this earthly life. It sure can be tough sometimes to remember that. However, I am finding that the more completely I seek Him in all aspects of my life, the more I turn to Him first before turning to emotions and reactions, and the easier it actually does become to turn to Him sooner and more thoroughly.
So. Confession of motherhood?
Sometimes mommyhood can be truly disheartening; and I have to just choose not to let it define me. I have to choose not to fall prey to satan's whispers of failure and doubt, but rather lift my eyes and keep them focused on the Lord from the very beginning.
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo.
~Mrs. Pickles
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