food... my best friend... and worst enemy. ((raw&painful))

So. This may not be my usual inspiring kind of blog... but, i'm committed to being open and honest; and this is an emotional night I feel I need to share...

I know I'm not as healthy as I should be. I know this full well... believe me, that last backpacking trip was a doozy. I also know I'm not as healthy as I should be because my reflux and lactose-intolerance have been acting up like crazy. I know myself, and I know I haven't been eating healthy. It's just truth.

But, because the Lord has blessed me with people who love and care for me, my brother Petar approached me about my lousy health. (p.s. this is the second time he's done it... and i will forever love him for loving me enough to be honest with me.) Anywho, he asked me if he could talk to a trainer buddy of his about helping me get healthy again. His friend, Brent, has actually helped Petar get into the best shape of his life. I told him I would be willing to figure out a healthy diet (and I don't mean like eat only these specifics foods kind of diet, but like an actual lifestyle kind of thing). So as I transitioned from cowen to home, and then to winchester; I kept this in the back of my head. But I didn't talk to Brent. I just 'didn't have the time' (<-that's one of those excuses people make).

And then... it began. First, I tried on my bridesmaids dress for sammi's wedding... and while it fit... it just didn't look the way I wanted it to. And then... well, then a few things happened that really helped convict of just how sinful it is to misuse the body God gave me by basically trashing it (ask me about them later).

So, I emailed Brent.

And this past Wednesday I began his first goal for me; of drinking 128 oz of water everyday and writing down everything I ate. So I had been recording it in my phone. And then tonight, I transferred it from my phone to my computer and nearly cried.

What has happened to me? When did the food I ate become so unimportant to me? What has happened to the days of making my own whole wheat bread, and watching every single thing I put in my body? When did I quit controlling my portions? When did I quit caring about what I ate? And when did my lack of care become such an idol?

I HADN'T EVEN REALIZED it. 

I could sit here and try to justify my poor choices with excuses. But I won't. Cause there is no excuse. I claim that Christ is the top priority in the my life... and that all my choice are made with Him in mind. But that's a lie. Because living like this doesn't glorify God. Neglecting the health of my body isn't pleasing... and definitely doesn't further His kingdom...

So. Where does this leave me now? Well.. it'll be a slow process... but with God in mind first.. and the help of Brent, I will slowly but surely make my way to improving the health of my body.

I am finding that as God reveals the idols I have in my life... I want to cry and fall on my knees in shame. And then God just pours out such grace and mercy... that all I really want to do is cry with a painful joy. I'm not worthy. No one is. that's why God is God... and i am not. He IS worthy of all the praise... and because He loves me so much, He redeems me, and the shame just seems to dissipate. 

phew. wow. also, I'm not really writing this for advice or comments, or honestly even words of encouragement... I'm just truly wanting to share my heart, what's on my mind, and what the Lord is doing in my life... and how much easier it is to see my sins, and deal with them, when I allow God to point them out.

My life has been committed to God in service. And while most aspects of my life are doing the work, it's time that this aspect of me start as well.

Let another journey begin.


-k

sooo the newness has worn off... and real life begins.

Welp. It's been over 6 weeks... I'm settled in, the newness is over, and real life has begun. 

And basically it's like this... 

The extent of ministry that I have known has truly been part-time. There were the Sundays' serving in the nurseries... or the children's sermons during the service. I've done the children's program for the convention for a few years now, and led Bible Study at camp for Jr. 1. Opening up my apartment to friends while I lived in Huntington also served as a great ministry tool. 

And it's the culmination of all those God-led times and opportunities that I truly believe have brought me to where I am today-- full-time ministry. The biggest difference being... when you're full-time... you are FULL TIME. hahaha. So here's the 411 on what I have experienced so far in the past 2 weeks...

(also, the order is not in order of importance, but just how I would like to address each topic in perspective to my experiences in ministry.)

1) Job- Working in ministry and having a full-time job is tough. I work 9-6 every day which basically means that for a good 6 out of the 9 hours I'm at work; my attentions are focused on 8 little toddlers. However, working such hours has also been a help in meeting people in the community. My work is right next to Sheetz, so I'm basically going in there every morning during my breaks to get coffee. I have now met almost everyone that works there, and am slowly but surely building relationships with the folks of Sheetz. Also, I work in close quarters with several teachers, one of whom happens to be a believer as well! (We bonded over this fact). So even in the time that I'm at work, God is at work as well. Many of the teachers have asked me how I came to Winchester and about my transition here; and it's been an incredible opportunity to share what Christ has done for me and my life. They look at me with bewilderment as I share the past few months and the trust in Christ which has sustained me. It's also been a great opportunity to invite folks to church. No one has come yet, but I'm not discouraged... all in the Lord's timing.

2) Hospitality- (P.S. I would still do this even if i didn't live with the preacher's family) At least 1-2 nights a week, Shay and Sarah have guests come over for a meal. It's an opportunity in which we can truly get to know the folks in the congregation, as well as minister to new guests of the church and members of the community. And we all know my love for food and using it to further God's kingdom; so it's a very natural thing for me. Furthermore, I'm in the process of doing research and preparing a community outreach in which we will be ministering to the businesses of Old Time by baking them a plate of cookies. And it may seem like a small feet... but don't be fooled... there are 75 businesses in Old Town with anywhere from 4-30 workers in each business. It's a challenge, but one I know the Lord will bless as He opens new doors and windows to meet people and form relationships. I'm SOOOO EXCITED to love on the fun and diverse community.

3) Ministering- At least one night a week, I meet with a girl that I am reading the book 'Redemption' with. We go out to Starbucks, drink coffee, and chat. I listen to her as she recounts her week (momentarily flashing back to high school...haha) and we discuss the weeks reading from the book. READ IT! It's GREAT! Another day every week I will also be meeting with my LTG (Life transformation group) which is basically an accountability group to love,grow, and walk with through life.

4) Children's Ministry- Children's. Ministry. My calling. The whole reason I even came out here. Unfortunately, because the majority of my ministry work has primarily been from the office; I've had to do it on Saturdays as it's just not feasible to go to the office after work (which will change once I am able to drive myself)). But I love it!! I've had to learn to really balance my schedule, and not procrastinate. I've also been forced out of my comfort zone as I have to actually call people (i HATE talking on the phone...haha... but i've had to change that). I feel like every week is truly getting better as I'm learning the ropes and figuring out how to be better prepared, and more intentional in my dealings with the children, their families, and the team members of G4 kids. Because of the timing and the holidays coming up, we haven't been able to provide many outreach activities; but that will definitely change come the new year as the Lord is revealing to me a vision of what the program will look like down the road. I am honored, blessed, and humbled to have this opportunity to serve and minister to these children and their parents.

5) Church @ Winchester.- Wow. Just wow. Church on Sundays basically takes up the entire day between set-up/tear-down and the inevitable exhaustion that follows as we all crash and reminisce on the week that has occurred and process all of the choices we made and what needs to happen for next week. 
But I say 'wow', because in those few hours that we spend in church; I am reminded of just how GREAT God is... and how insignificant I am. This world is not about me, God could easily complete His work without me... but He chooses to use me in His ministry. There are sundays when I walk down the hall and listen to the music playing, the voices lifting up His name... and nearly break down then and there speechless in awe of Christ. The steadfast, sufficient Creator...

6) Sabbath--
Needless to say, my schedule has been busy. 
A few days ago, I was sharing with a friend about how things were going, and his question was basically, 'Are you taking time for Sabbath?' (p.s. I love having friends who are willing to ask me the tough questions..)
And the answer is.... yes.
I am very aware of the dangers that lurk when you become overly obsessed with your role in a ministry instead of recognizing (your unimportance) and (God's greatness). I am human though, and thus in the process of figuring out how I will combat that as time goes on and the potential to get comfortable sets in... but I have also found that through all the chaos; there are random times in my day when I can just stop the world around me; and meet God in our special meeting place. The Lord has truly been revealing and teaching so much; that I need it... I have to have that special connection where it's just Him and me. 

So. That basically covers it. It's a 24/7 constantly moving; joy-filled, energy-exhausting, spiritually-rewarding lifestyle. And it's definitely not for the faint of heart... I am truly blessed, honored, and humbled that God would call me to this lifestyle, and look forward to what He has in store next.

With much love,
Kristina :-)

Today marks one month.

5 months ago, I graduated college.
5 months ago, Pastor Shay asked me to consider moving to Winchester.
4 months ago I once again became a staff member of Camp Cowen, and began to serve a thousand campers and counselors.
3 months ago I struggled with trusting Christ in making an extremely difficult decision.
2 months ago today actually, I posted the blog officially declaring the final decision to pack up all my belongings and be obedient to a journey God had set before me.
1 month ago today, with blind faith, I moved to Winchester, VA. 
And today. Today marks one month of living in Winchester.
It's strange to think that just four months ago, I had no idea I would even be here.

So? What's happened? What's going on in my life? What is God doing? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

~The Church @ Winchester.

Wow. We have now met 3 times at our location (a school basically in the heart of Winchester) as an official church. Every Sunday the core shows up around 9 and spends an hour or so setting up the school into a meeting place and nursery. I LOVE it. Everyone works so hard, and with each passing Sunday we are becoming faster and more efficient in our set-up and tear-down. Even in the few weeks we have met, we have had several guests and a few new legit attenders. God is doing something in the hearts of the people of Winchester... and it's incredible to see it come to fruition.

I am also finally finding a routine and somewhat understanding of what each week will look like as the children's minister. I love the emphasis on the community, as my favorite way to reach out is to bake for people... (this past week I was able to bake up a storm for the coffee shop lady and her staff. :-))
I eagerly anticipate the weeks ahead as God continues to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Also, did I mention how incredible it is to work with a staff that is so legit?? I am so blessed to be part of such sincere and direct accountability.



~My new family and friends.

I find that part of the beauty of being a believer and part of God's family, is that the family is always growing. Even when I leave one area to move to another, I don't just forget or divorce my old church family... I simply add more to the mix and count myself blessed to be a member of God's family. 

That being said, it has been rather difficult leaving my mom and dad. Which seems silly since I left them to go to college and such, but I think that this time is different since there were so many uncertainties and unknowns. I know that they both miss me dreadfully, but are constantly in prayer for my safety and continued obedience to Christ.The most incredible testament to their faith both in God and the use of me in His plan was shown when my mother was asked how she felt about my move to Winchester and such... her reply had been, "I'm scared NOT to let her go..." It brought me such comfort to hear her say it because it was not only accepting that I was not her own (rather belonging to God), but fearing God in trying to hold me back from Him working through me. What an incredible woman. 

I also count myself blessed to have become a part of the Osborne family. I love watching as they faithfully raise their children in Christ... I love observing as they continually grow in their marriage as a couple in Christ.  I feel unbelievably loved and genuinely cared for.
NOT TO MENTION MY NEW CHURCH FAMILY! Amazing. Simply amazing. The friends I have made so far have been beyond wonderful. I feel as though I have known many of them for years; and yet it's only been 4 weeks. They have been so accepting and eager to build relationships. It has made my transition into Winchester as smooth as it could possibly be.

~Life

 Life. What can I even say about it? It has been a whirlwind of an adventure so far... and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon... ;-)

~God

God is GOD....and i am not. Actually, i'm less than not. i'm nothing. In the past four weeks the Lord as taught me, lead me, humbled me, challenged me, disciplined me, loved me unconditionally, ((did I mention humbled me??? haha))and brought me peace and comfort. It it been in Christ through this uncomfortable move that I have found comfort. Peace that passes all understanding. i have been able to not only feel His presence as though He were sitting right next to me, but also as the Holy Spirit has lead me in discussions and such.... how have i not embraced the power of the Holy Spirit's potential till now??!? It's unbelievable... seriously though... words on a computer screen cannot even begin to express... so let's grab some coffee and chat it out!

~Me

HE must become greater... i must become less.






Until we meet again... 
<3

chick flicks... *groan* uhhh......

Chick flicks and love songs.

(P.S.... this is my 'abridged' love talk just because I prefer to discuss such things in person... tonight, I just talk about the aforementioned topics.)

Occasionally on the spur of a moment, I decide to fill my head with trash in the form of chick flicks and love songs.
It is my opinion that...

A. Chick flicks are Girl Porn.
and
B. Love Songs are an emotional roller coaster waiting to happen.

CHICK FLICKS = GIRL PORN

Take a minute and humor me... I found a few paragraphs that compare the two...

“Porn is an entertainment medium severely lacking in artistic integrity generally intended for males to indulge their out-of-control physical lusts. It creates the intense feelings of sex without the added complications of a relationship. It is the product of a society that replaces integrity and morals with immediate gratification that bears (seemingly) none of the consequences. But we find that this selfish gratification soon becomes an addiction, and creates unrealistic expectations of sexual health and competence, which often results in broken relationships (even marriages).

Chick flicks are also an entertainment medium generally lacking in artistic integrity (recycled plots, poor scriptwriting and acting) intended to create the intense emotions of being in love and indulge emotional lust when a relationship is not available or one that is fails to supply such feeling. They, also, are the product of a society that idealizes immediate gratification (we rarely see the hard work required for a relationship to work – just the good stuff), and minimize harm to others. The intense romantic feelings created, in conjuction with “perfect” male and female leads, create unrealistic romantic expectations for the target audience. If a relationship fails to look like the romances of film, if the all-too-familiar feelings cease, the relationship must not be “right.”

Now I am not suggesting that romantic comedies are as morally objectionable as pornography. I am just pointing out similarities between the two forms of “entertainment.” Both porn and romance films let people indulge in desires for a short amount of time, and over indulgence leads to unrealistic expectations within relationships.”

While they might be cute and funny... sweet and romantic... they aren't smart for the single gal... (or the taken one... but I can speak only from experience so will only address the single-hood) Chick flicks place you in a vulnerable state that is only enhanced when you are single. You watch what looks to be this AMAZINGG, romantic, wonderful relationship shared between jason statham and his co... and because (of course) he's GORGEOUS, you begin thinking 'Well... this is what it should be like... men need to be at my beck and call... and be sweet ... and kind... and sensitive... and emotional... and romantic... and want to rub my feet... and come running every time I call... They should forgo their friendships, family, job and only focus on me..." Right?

But what we fail to see is that after the camera stops rolling, the real world begins- And all those actors were all just playing a part... in an effort to take your money. **DISCLAIMER** I realize that not all people are alike... I'm talking about the general public and a lot of the people I've seen and met.... In the real world though, men- AREN'T PERFECT... women... AREN'T perfect... Men can't tell what you're thinking... unless you tell them... AND from what I've heard, they're just as clueless about you, as you are them... They aren't handed a secret "Men's Handbook to Women" the day they reach maturity.
Chick flicks create in women a false emotional ideal of romance and marriage. To make matters worse, GOOD LUCK GUYS... cause let's be honest... you'll never compare to Mr. Darcy or Jason Statham (in like.. anything he does ;-))... which is yet another downfall of the chickflick... 'women end up comparing men to fictional heroes and disregarding the qualities that are actually important-- faith, character, regard for others-- in favor of physical attraction or chemistry.'

 I realize that some girls out there will greatly disagree, and inevitably begin throwing a little hissy fit, but really?!? Slap yourself upside the head, take a step back, and re-evaluate...

All in all, I guess the biggest problem I have is the fact that when I watch one of these films I typically begin to struggle with loneliness and being impatient with God and His timing. I struggle and am consumed with "singleness"... and want a quick fix... and am vulnerable to ditch my top important standards...

And therefore... I try to avoid it at all costs...
If you know what your weaknesses are.... why on earth would you tempt yourself?? I'm not saying that I never watch them, cause I still do... and You've Got Mail is one of my favs... However, I am very careful in how many and how often I watch.

I may never have Mr. Darcy.. or Jason... or Vin... or Morgan from Criminal Minds...
but that's okay.
Because I'll have something better.
IF I'm patient and faithful to my Maker.

I'll have the man GOD picked out for me. In HIS timing.
I'll have a man who seeks after God's own heart.
I'll have a MAN, not a boy.
I'll have a man who falls in love with the Jesus in ME...
I'll have a man who values the treasure I am.
I'll have a man who knows my heart...
I'll have a man who knows everything about me... and still loves me.
I'll have a man who makes me laugh.
I'll have a man who will be brave enough to meet my brothers-- before the wedding...haha...
I'll have a man who-
respects me.
supports me.
CHALLENGES me in my walk with Christ.
and so much more...
In other words...
Darcy and Jason won't even begin to compare to the love God chooses for me :-)
And while I still struggle,
it's really not that bad... not that bad at all. Because the comfort I find in knowing that God knows EXACTLY who is it... makes my heart happy.

A few years ago, Tony Nutter said some of the most sage words to me ever... that right now at this very moment God is molding, creating, preparing my future husband for me... AND at THIS VERY MOMENT... God is molding, creating, and preparing ME for MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

Straight from the book----
"Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe-- and you're ready..."

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Song of Solomon (Message and NIV translations)



P.S. If you don't agree, that's fine... no rain on my parade.. haha...
BUT. If you're interested in discussing my perspective, I'd love to meet up and talk.

With lots of love, Kristina.

i'll take the background... You take the lead.

i have been convicted recently of the following…

Sometimes we become so enamored with a certain style of ministry that God has equipped us with, that  we are prone to inaccurately believe that that one mode is how we will serve God till death. We fail to see that while God never changes, we aren’t God but rather humans; that reside on an earth prone to change.
We can become SO consumed with an illogical idea that ministry can only happen in one specific way that we can miss the glory of God who works through all ways great and small. The problem is that if we envision our ministry in this one prescribed fashion, we can very easily can miss a chance to minister ((that God Himself may have provided)) … sometimes, that chance- might even be staring us in the face.
It seems that we get so caught up in our ’importance’ in God’s plan, that we fail to remember that we are, in fact, just a reflection of Christ- and nothing more without Him.

We are the moon… here to shine brightly on the earth, but fall into the background in the light of the morning [Son].

Maybe it’s time to sit down…and think… just STOP- and think…
God, am I really allowing you to run the show?

Close to the end of summer, i heard an incredible Lecrae song... that spoke profoundly to what's been on my mind...

~It's evident You run the show, so let me back down. You take the leading role, and I'll play the background. I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines I'm sticking to Your script, and I'm reading all Your signs.

 

I don't need my name in lights. I don't need a starring role. And why gain the whole wide world, if I'm just gon' loose my soul. And my ways ain't purified, I'll live according to Your Word. I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard.

Prayin' the whole world will start embracing stage fright. So let me fall back and stop giving my suggestions Cause when I follow my obsessions I end up confessing. That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact I'm who I are. A trail of star dust leading to the Superstar.

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will and trust Your word. And I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred. And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games.~

i don't even know how to close, because there is still so much to say. 

i just... couldn't and can't continue living a life comfortable in where i was.

God called me to great things when He called me to ministry long ago. 

And i don't know what that will look like... but i know i'm ready and willing.

AND MAN.... has the past week been intense. 

Really God? Have You seriously called me to help plant a church? WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? 

This. Is. Real. Life.

 no joke...

This. Is. Real. Life.

 i've packed up my things, and moved to Winchester, Virginia to serve as the children's minister for a new church plant (click it... it'll open in a new window) that will be launching this September 16th. As for now, i have no job to help supplement my income, but i am faithful and have been quite diligently searching.

AND BASICALLY... everyone's first or second question to me the past three days has been...

How are you feeling?

Honestly? i feel uncomfortable. Just flat out uncomfortable. i moved in to the Osbournes' house on Saturday... Saturday night i slept like a baby... (for about every twenty minutes..lol.. at which point i would wake up and realize it's still night time... dagnabbit). Sunday morning i said goodbye to my mom, who went back to Philippi feeling a lot more relaxed and relieved having seen Winchester and reconnecting with the Osbournes again. Watching her leave honestly was a little difficult because it meant that there's no turning back now. haha... This. Was. Real. 

Traveling to the Church @ Martinsburg (the church commissioning us) for their Sunday service was incredible. Shay spoke about missions and church planting, and there were a few folks that spoke about the recent mission trips they had been on. Listening to them brought me comfort as i could relate to some of the feelings they had experienced. And so to answer the question...just keep reading...

Worship.

 

Wow. Just wow. It was as if God had placed all the right songs on the leader's heart... as if God Himself was telling me EXACTLY what i needed to hear... and through it i was able to confirm that this--((right here, right now))-- is truly exactly where God has placed me, and where He needs me. i am humbled that He would choose me... but oh so blessed to be the chosen one. i felt so close to Christ... i felt as if i were holding His hand... singing to Him the praises He so loftily deserves. And along came the tears... not of sadness or anxiety; but sheer awe of God's glory. ((Is this REAL? Am i really here? Is this really happening...?.... YES) So how am i feeling? i feel blessed. i feel humbled. i feel uncomfortable. i feel excited. For one of the first times in my life, i feel as though i have made a decision that i did not even make. That God made. i feel as though i am answering the call He has placed in my heart, and i am eagerly anticipating the lessons He will teach me- and the growing i will do over the next few weeks... even months. Even though i have tried,  i feel as though these words, that no words, can truly even begin to describe how i am feeling...

One of the songs on Sunday basically talked about the fact that Jesus gave His life for mine, and so now i am giving mine to Him.

How incredible it was to sing that.  Jesus died... so that i can live eternally... it almost makes too much sense that now i will die to my life, to serve God on His earth.

Fred Hammond sings a song...

~I counted up the cost--it's more than fair
Even right down to the cross that I must bear
You gave Your life to me, So I'll give mine to You
Without Your power, I just could not make it
All of my life's struggle, wouldn't be able to take it 
My desire is to please You, that's what I do~

Tomorrow my work will begin at 8:00 am.  Shay will begin laying out what will be happening for the next few weeks, as well as the work that i will need to begin doing.

So how can you help?

Pray. Just pray.

Pray for the Church at Winchester.

Pray for the families that have committed to the calling God has placed on their hearts. (i met them today, one word... AMAZING). 

Pray that the hearts of the lost in Winchester will begin to soften.

Pray for me. Pray that God continues to work in my heart and ministry. Pray for focus and determination. 

Just. Pray.

With love in Christ,
-k

 ^1-2The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. (Hebrews 11:1)

Currently on my mind...

I recently purchased a new devotional... it's called Coffee with God written by Sarah Arthur. In today's devotion she says, 

'Often when I sit down to write these devos, I'm tempted to hunt around for those select scripture verses that buttress my worldview or strengthen some argument, rather than engage the Bible on its own terms.'

I love that. How true it is! Too often we look for the particular verse or story to help build an argument... often times this turns into taking a verse out of context which in the end only causes greater problems. God is not impressed with with our ability to spin and weave an argument from bits and pieces of the Bible. He wants us to know the WHOLE THING. The beginning, the end, and everything in between. When we read, we truly need to come to the Word in His terms... with open hearts and minds- ready for surprises... ready for Him to blow our minds. In 2 Timothy we read that 

¹⁶  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

Here's the thing though... if we don't know it to its completeness, how can we use it to teach or even argue?

You've got to know it. You've got to know every aspect of it to be able to truly defend both the Bible and your faith. 

This is the point where I have a thought contrary to some... I have in fact, read most of the Harry Potter books. (I've even seen the movies.) Now I know that seems shocking as most know that I was raised in a home where we weren't even allowed to watch 'Bewitched'. Honestly though, I'm really not even a fan of Harry Potter stuff. However, it's become a great point of discussion between believers and nonbelievers... and sometimes even between believers and other believers. I will stand by my opinion that I don't think it's really a great book to devote time to reading, nor would I really want my kids reading it until they were old enough to truly comprehend the literature (but that's a different topic to be discussed in person).  I digress... I am not a fan of Harry Potter books, therefore I read them and watch the movies. Wait, What?! 

When I do get into a discussion about such literature; I have to be able to defend both my viewpoint and my faith. I may have to make assertions about the books and/or movies to help defend my viewpoint... and if I don't know the books/movies, how can I make educated arguments for or against? If I were to get into an argument with J.K Rowling about the topic of her books and had not read them, I would look like a bumbling fool. How does that help my life's testimony? 

In the same way, if we were to get into an argument with an atheist who has read the Bible cover to cover (yea... some do that just so they can try and prove you wrong) , but did not know it well enough to defend my faith, once again we look like bumbling fools.

And so we come back to the importance of studying the Word.

My prayer is that we come to the Word with open hearts and minds... that we may understand it fully (or as much as our human minds can possibly comprehend) and be able to defend it... seeing both sides of the argument-- and yet professing the superiority of Christ both from the word, and in our lives. 

-Kristina

Pickles' Patch Article: 'Burdens'

In a few short weeks I will be embarking on a new adventure! I have accepted a call to work with a church in Winchester, Virginia as their children's minister. They are a brand new church and my job will be to help them build a program for their children from the ground up. As you can imagine, this experience has the potential to be scary and nerve-racking as I have no job, will be sleeping on a couch for the first few months, and will be living far from my family and friends. But never fear, because the Lord is near! I have no worries about the future as I have cast all my burdens upon Christ. I learned to do this a long time ago; and that is the story I'd like to share with you today!

My eldest brother Petar first introduced me to the world of backpacking several years ago. With nothing but a pack on your back filled with food, water, and clothes for the trip; we trek several miles into the woods and get lost in the splendor of God's creation. For my first time we took a short 5-6 mile backpacking trip. The trip was almost too easy, with little hills, clear skies the whole way, and not a snake in sight! I left the woods that weekend feeling refreshed and in love with this new sport. I decided to go on another backpacking trip or two. It was on one of those fateful trips that I learned a great lesson in life.

We had decided to pursue a longer hike through the Smoky Mountains... so my brother Petar, his best friend Christian, and Christian's coworker Robert, decided we would do an 'easy' 20+ mile hike. 'Oh, there might be a few hills,' they had said, 'but not too bad.' So I said, 'LET'S GO!' Packed with plenty of water, food, clothes and a hammock, we began our journey into the Smoky Mountains. The first day started with an easy 7 mile hike down the mountain to our first campsite. It felt so good to be back in the woods, I practically ran the whole way down! We set up our camp and began preparing some dinner when my brother and his best friend walked over to Robert and I. They informed us that they may have done some miscalculating and that the following day's hike might be a little higher and harder than we had anticipated. That night I braced myself for the following day, knowing it couldn't be 'that bad' and feeling ready for the journey. 'I' could do this... 'I' had done it before... hadn't they seem 'me' practically run down the mountain?

Saturday morning we awoke and began packing up the camp. We started our hike with an easy pace, stopping every so often to catch our breath and rest our feet. Up the mountain we continued... on and on... on... and on... and on.... it was at this point that something weird happened. I began to get tired. My pack seemed to be weighing a little extra heavy on my back, almost as if with every mile we climbed, someone was putting extra rocks in my pack. Pretty soon even the breaks didn't help. Pretty soon the breaks made it even worse... because every time we stopped, it was harder to get back up. We kept climbing though. At this point my legs became tired from the high altitude of the climb. My back was hurting from the heaviness of my pack. My lungs were struggling for air. My entire body seemed to be sweating from every pore it had. Pretty soon I felt nauseous from the exhaustion of this climb. Robert and I decided to take another break while Petar and Christian continued up the mountain. And that's when it happened.

That's when I reached my lowest point- in a very high point of the mountain.

As I sat against the hill, (since the path that curved up the mountain was only a foot and a half wide, FILLED with snakes...) in a large patch of poison ivy (well, maybe just grass... but it very well could have been!) , I had an emotional meltdown. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go back down the mountain, because I'd still have to go back up those 7 miles I had trekked the first day. I couldn't stay in the middle of that trail, because there was nowhere to set up my hammock unless I wanted to roll down the mountain in the middle of the night. I definitely couldn't keep going up the mountain... my body simply didn't allow it. My pack was too heavy, my legs hurt too much... I couldn't even imagine how much of the hike was left.

*

Still sitting there, sulking in my own pity party, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was my brother Petar. He was coming around the bend of the hill up ahead. He was almost running... and what's this? He didn't have his pack. As he came closer, I could finally make out what he was saying... 'Guys! You're so close! You are SO close! The top is just around the corner! You don't even know JUST HOW CLOSE YOU ARE!'

My brother came up to me, reached for my pack, and put it upon his back. He helped me up to my feet and just kept repeating how close to the top we really were. Slowly, but with a new fervor, I began to follow my brother, tears streaming down my face, as he carried my pack the rest of the way up the mountain. He was right, the top really was around the corner, and reaching that top was a monumental moment in my life. I had done it! I had climbed my highest mountain. I had made it to the top... but unlike my thoughts the night before, I had NOT done it alone. It was with my brother carrying my pack that I had made it to the top. It was with someone else carrying my burdens, that I was able to reach the summit.

Can you guess what lesson I learned that day? You probably already know what I'm going to say... but I'll say it anyway. Psalm 55:22 says, 'Cast your burdens on the Lord, and He will sustain you'.

You can't do it alone. We can't do it alone. We weren't meant to do it alone. God sent His own beloved Son to die on the cross, to bear our burdens, so that we may have life everlasting on the top of that summit. We weren't brought into this life to try and make the journey on our own. It is with Christ and through His blood that we can continue on this journey. Sometimes God will even call us to make a journey that's uncomfortable, like that one I'm about to take. But that's the beauty of casting all our burdens on Christ. Even though it will still be a difficult journey, and the hike may be hard, it is so much easier when we allow God to not only carry our burden, but be our guide.

 First day's hike!

 "Help me up guys!"

"hold on hold on...let me get the camera!" Click, click ... click click click click clickety click ... "OK, now give me your hand."

 ...And so the trek begins...

Beauty.

 Mountain: Conquered.

Gone Fishin'

As some of you know, I learned how to fish this summer.

It was one of many goals I had set for myself before the summer even began.

The first few weeks of camp had passed, and I had honestly simply forgotten about my desire to learn to fish. Then one evening I had walked down to the beach to spend some alone time with God on the big rock, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a fishing pole that had been left in the sand by a camper. Immediately my first thought was, ’Oh goodness… this is how stuff gets broken.’ So I picked up the pole and walked back to the office having completely forgotten why I had gone to the beach in the first place.

When I got back to the office, I was looking at the pole… and the wheels started churning… I knew it was hotdog night, and I remembered how one of the National Guard guys had used a hot dog for bait when he went fishing in the river. In that moment, I decided, THAT’S IT! I’m going to teach myself how to fish!

With a new fervor I quickly skipped to the kitchen, found a hotdog and some old trout bait left from a previous camp, and began the quick trek back to the river.

I spent the first 15 minutes figuring out how the pole actually worked… playing with the release button, trying to cast farther than two feet in front of me, even untangling my first fishing line knot. About 20 minutes into the experience, I was able to finally cast. I didn’t actually know how to bait the line so I just stuck some trout bait on the hook and cast hoping I was right. I waited a minute or two, and reeled the line back in. I wasn’t really surprised I hadn’t caught anything; I mean I really wasn’t even sure if I was doing it right. But I wasn’t about to quit, so I put some more bait on the hook and cast it out again. As I began to reel in the line this time, I felt a slight tug. I pulled a little, thinking it had just gotten caught on a branch (which had happened a couple of times before). I brought the line in a little, and there went that little tug again! I gripped my pole in utmost disbelief… had I actually caught one? Had I actually caught a fish? On my very first time? IMPOSSIBLE!

I looked towards the end of the line in the river… and there is was.. a little fish no more than 6 inches, fighting for its life. I kept reeling it in, pulling the pole up, and reeling it in some more (the few fishing commercials I had seen had always done that… so I assumed it was some sort of technique to catching fish). Finally after a battle of two minutes (which to me seemed like 30 minutes) I had the fish out of the river and hanging on my pole.

And then it hit me.

Now that I had caught the fish, I had to actually take it off the hook.

I fruitlessly looked around me in hopes that someone had seem my catch and would be able to lend a hand in this very vital part of the catch. But alas, everyone was still at supper. I quickly thought, ’Well… I can’t just leave it here’. So I did the only thing I could… I grabbed the fish with my hand, covering it with my flannel, and using my other hand jerked the hook from the fish. I then put it back in the river and watched it swim away; ecstatic over the events that had just occurred.

A few weeks later as I recalled that eventful night, I was reminded of the verse in Matthew where Jesus calls out to Simon and Andrew- ’Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.’ (Matthew 4:18-19) And I started thinking about the parallels between my fishing expedition and the fishing we had been called to do as believers. And this is where the thought train has taken me thus far…

I wanted to fish. And when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to just do it! I drew upon past experiences and things I had seen/read to figure out the basics. I even played around with the pole to figure out the mechanisms of the reel and how to work it. And once I was ready to cast, I did it. But I cast my bait without actually expecting to catch anything because, well… I was completely inexperienced and brand new at the whole fishing thing. But that didn’t matter, because within the first few minutes, I caught my first fish! And that’s when the problem actually started… I had caught the fish, but had no idea what to do with it.

And that’s when it hit me.

When I first started counseling for camp, I knew the basics. I knew the Sunday school answers, and the Roman road. I knew how to help ’bring a child to Christ’. But what I lacked was the follow through.

I truly believe that this is a problem that plaques us today. Too often we except Christ and a role in ministry, and knowing just enough; cast out that line; not actually expecting to catch anything…and then when we do; we are unprepared for what comes next.

And so my two thoughts:

1. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GO FISH???
   1. I still can’t get over it… what did I think would happen when I threw out a line with yummy fish food… into a river of fish?!? ((I feel like this point pretty well explains itself… what do you expect to happen when you share the Gospel with others…?? Do you not have enough faith to know that there will be people who hear, believe, and turn to Jesus??))
2. And now we come to the importance of not only studying the word, but understanding it… and continually pursuing Christ so that we may be able to follow through with new believers… help guide them in their new faith and life, instead of just throwing them back into the river to fend for themselves among the sharks. It is our duty, our calling as believers to not only catch the men; but make disciples of them! Jesus really puts it best in Matthew…

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

To wrap up my reflection of what I have named ‘My First Encounter with Fish’, I leave you with this…

11 Command and teach these things. 12  Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. 14  Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. 15 Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16  Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. (1 Timothy 4:11-16)

Spend time in prayer… study the word… evaluate your spiritual life constantly… be accountable for your faith… and be ready for whatever the Lord sends your way…

Expect Something.

Expect great things. We serve a risen Savior… EXPECT Him to be HIM and work a miracle in the lives you are trying to reach. Expect to catch when you cast… and be ready for whatever that something is… and the best way to do that is by drawing close to God every single day. It’s a lot easier to fish if you expect to catch something… cause let’s be honest; even if you don’t catch a fish, you can come back the next day and try again… but at least you’ll be ready for the day you catch the big one!

In Hebrews 10 it says:

23  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25  not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Expect SOMETHING! Do not be discouraged if you don’t catch anything today, but keep trying… encourage one another, and keep on fishing!

Disconnected.

On my phone there is a wifi setting. It's a 3G phone, but if you want internet service without the charge, simply turn on the wifi setting; and you can browse without being charged the outrageous data rates. With this setting though, you have to pay attention and be really careful. Occasionally, if the internet connection is not very strong or is wavering; my wifi setting will still be 'on' but read 'disconnected'. Basically what this means is that my phone 'recognizes' that there is potential for receiving and sending information, but there is something wrong with the connection that is not allowing the proper exchange to occur.

As I sat this morning staring at the 'disconnected' sign on my phone; it dawned on me... how often as Christians do we live like that? We've got the internet connection potential...we go to church, we tithe our money, we do the week-long mission trip in some far-off land, we even help in the nursery... but at the end of the day; we are completely 'disconnected' from Jesus. We are disconnected from the world.

We are 'on' but 'disconnected'.

And how do I know it's true? … confession time: I've lived it.

During my junior year of college, I went through a period of spiritual disconnect. I was still going to church, still praying daily, still knew all the right answers to all the Sunday school questions... I was still thinking about God 24 hours a day.. 7 days a week. But at the end of the day, when I was all alone in my apartment, with no one to see me or hear me, the tears of anguish would come. And I would just cry myself to sleep. Every night. For about 2 months. I was 'on'... but I was just plain 'disconnected'. I wasn't digging into the word, nor allowing God to do the work He wanted to do. I was praying, but not actually listening. I wasn't truly dying to myself. And the saddest part? I knew how to change it.. how to 'connect back'... I just kept choosing not to.

I kept this disconnect hidden, until the one day. I had walked into the Christian center, walked back to say hey to my campus minister. (I hadn't actually had intentions of staying, just say hey and go.) I walked through his door, and by the time the door had swung shut, the tears began to flow. Sitting there I released the disconnect I had been feeling. How I still loved the Lord with all my heart, and how I knew all the answers to all the Sunday school questions... but I just simply couldn't bring myself to make a healthy connection. I was struggling. ((I know it's a hard thing to understand or accept... but even the most spiritually mature (and I'm not even talking about myself), but even the most spiritually mature folk just struggle sometimes. See the book Confessions of a Pastor: Adventures in Dropping the Pose and Getting Real with God by Craig Groeschel)) Through pouring out all my emotions to another human being that I trusted (not to judge, but just listen and understand the struggles) I was able to realize where my connection had faltered and how I could and would reconnect it. I walked out of his office, went back to my apartment, and cried again.

I would like to tell you that everyday I took little steps back to the connection, but well... that's the beauty of a reset button. When I hit the reset button on the router, the connection almost immediately restores itself and my phone is a functioning machine again. And so, that's what I did. I cried that night, not because I was sad or struggling, but because I was crying out to God to forgive me. In my spiritual life, I pushed the reset button, and my connection became restored. It still wavers sometimes... cause I am human and all, but man is it strong. Not to mention that God is quick to restore it after a storm of any sorts. And I am forever grateful for that.

While peoples' spiritual disconnects may be different from the one I experienced; the main idea I'm attempting to convey is that we need to continually be diligent is recognizing the state of our spiritual connection. I urge you not to be 'on' and 'disconnected'; but rather strive to experience connection and transformation through knowing, thinking and speaking who you are in Christ.

Find your IP address in Christ, and it'll be a whole lot easier to maintain the connection. 

Sitting in the local Arby’s at the beginning of my senior year of college, Shay shared the news that he and Sarah would be moving to Martinsburg to begin the journey of planting a church.  While it was sad to hear they would be moving; it was more exciting than anything to know they would be following God’s will. During this conversation, Shay half-joked that after I graduated I should come out and work with them.  At the time, I didn’t think much of it- I was too focused on actually graduating first.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and my graduation date drew nearer, I began to prayerfully consider what I would be doing after graduation. I had several options, one of which was working with a local church in Charleston, WV. I applied for jobs as a sub, and began perusing potential apartments. A week or two before graduation, Shay came to visit us at Marshall University. It was during this meet up that he brought up moving to Winchester again… but this time very seriously. I still thought it was almost a half-joke, but decided to begin praying about it. So pray I did.

I weighed my options… and felt that God was leading me towards Winchester. But I second-guessed myself because I knew that Charleston was a more comfortable and viable option. I have great friends in Charleston, I love the church that I had begun to attend, I knew I could get a job easily, and would still be only an hour from my school family in Huntington. But that was the problem. It was the comfortable choice. It was the choice that God could still work through, and I wanted to be comfortable. The fact of the matter is though, when we choose Christ, especially accepting a calling of ministry; we are choosing and accepting to step out of our comfort zone.

One of my summer events was to serve as the Bible study leader for a junior camp in Cowen, WV. Our theme for the week was basically the pursuit of God in our lives (how we pursue Him, and how He pursues us). It was through this week and through earnest seeking that I began to realize what God was calling me to do. God was calling me to step of my comfort zone… to pursue Him as He had been pursuing me. And suddenly it hit me. This was something I had to do.

The calling is clear, and God is with me. God has indeed called me to be more than a comfortable church-goer… God has a plan for my life and chosen me to serve Him through life-long ministry. I can’t really tell you what that looks like for the rest of my life, I can’t even tell you what that will look like in a year or two. What I know now is that He has in fact called me to minister to the lost of Winchester; in particular to use the talents He has given me in ministering to the children.

The beginning of Hebrews says:

^1-2The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

 ³By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see.

And with this faith, I am saying yes!

I've been looking for you!

Once again I had the honor of serving for the Czechoslovak Baptist Convention a few weeks ago in its new location in Meadville, Pennyslvania. I arrived early on Thursday so I could begin preparing my kids' room and do some last minute tweaking of lessons for the weekend. As always, we utilize the college facilities to the fullest extent; even eating meals in their cafeterias. It's during one of those meals that I was reminded of a great truth. I hadn't seen any of my kids yet, as most wouldn't come till right before the evening services; but what I didn't know is that some of the families had arrived a little early.

I had just finished hanging up the 'Kids this way ->' signs when I realized it was time for lunch. Heading down to the dining hall, I allotted myself an hour to enjoy my meal and rest up before getting back to work. Grabbing a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato soup, I lifted my tray and carried it over to my seat. I realized I had forgotten my drink (ginger ale-- a rarity among the colleges we've visited) and went to fetch a cup. As I waltzed across the marble flooring, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet behind me. I spun around to see a little figure duck behind the condiments island. Slowly but surely, one of my precious little boys peered around the corner to see me looking at him. He then jumped into the open and yelled out with the utmost enthusiasm and all his might, 'I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!' As my heart filled with joy; I smiled at him and asked, 'You've been looking for me?!?' He replied with, 'Yep! I've been looking for you and then I saw you, and I found you!' 

While I have always had great rapport with my kids, this interaction was one that I could not get out of my head. That little boy, we'll call him Jimmy, knew who I was, knew what I was, and could hardly wait to see me... SO MUCH SO that the minute he arrived to Meadville he began to eagerly search the area for my familiar face. 

As I pondered the importance of what had occurred, I realized why it was so meaningful to me.  Proverbs 8:17 (ESV) says; I love those who love me,

    and those who seek me diligently find me.

Just like Jimmy searched diligently for me until he found me, so we as Believers should search diligently for Christ.

So what does that even mean?

It means that the more we search, the more we will find… and the more we find, the more we will fall in love with Christ. It’s a natural consequence that is inevitable. When I draw closer to Jesus, I realize just how small and insignificant I am; and yet how big and significant He is, and how big and significant I am through Him. (And only THROUGH Him)

But my truth learned doesn’t stop at just the ‘searching’ part…

As I stated before, Jimmy had jumped out with such enthusiasm that his heart could have almost burst into pieces when he realized he had found me.  It was his excitement that showed me his true feelings and emotions. Afterwards as I pondered my continuous search for Christ, I asked myself… ‘How do I search?’

Do I search with an ‘anticipation-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-can’t-wait-to-see-Him kind of attitude’? Or do I search out of obligation… almost as if it were a chore? Regardless of the answer, the fact of the matter is that we need to be excited not only to search for Christ, but in finding Him and loving Him! He is the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end, author, creator, the MAKER of the UNIVERSE! How on earth could we NOT be excited to find the God that gave us life, that gave us His SON, that allowed His SON to die on the cross and save us from sin?

My friends, if I can leave you with anything to remember… it’s to always search diligently and expect something… to search in such a way that you not only find Christ, but be excited to grow in Christ and through Christ.

I have more to share about the past few weeks, but it shall have to wait till tomorrow!

With much love,

Kristina ‘Pickles’ Vlasic

yea... I've been typing a lot this week... so let's try something new...hahaha

Remember that old adage, 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks'? ... yea.. it's kinda like that...

I'm not even going to attempt to hide it.

This has been a lot harder than I had initially anticipated. Like the quote says, 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'... well, I'm living proof that if that old dog has forgotten even the old tricks, you're pretty much up a creek without a paddle. haha...

Apparently four years was longer that I had thought. I came into the Army camp all rearing to go... and let me tell you, that first day--- kicked my behind. I had forgotten how hard it was to work in the kitchen all day cooking, cleaning, etc. A few days we had some help, but for the few times it just Aryelle and I... wow. Just wow. Not to mention that I had forgotten how we used to do some of the simplest things! I felt as if every five minutes I was asking, 'Aryelle!!! How......?' (fill in the blank with EVERYTHING you can imagine kitchen-esque.) And while some things I really had to struggle to remember, other things came naturally as if I hadn't been gone a day... (One morning we were fixin' flapsticks when I began arranging them properly before I even realized I hadn't asked Aryelle how to do it...) Of course, by mid-week I was catching on again and felt confident even with my loss of four years. The Army was incredible as well... they were great company and the music was divine to listen to. All in all, I came away feeling incredibly blessed and honored that I had had the opportunity to not only serve the Army, but sharpen up my skills from long ago... (I definitely needed it).

As for my internship, well... that'll have to be another post this weekend. I will tell you this-- I've been working on the research aspect by interviewing camp directors, and it has been quite fruitful!! I feel that God is truly leading in an incredible direction; and I can hardly wait to see all the forms His work will take.
Things you can pray about::
- Focus
- Direction
- Camp Cowen Staff ((They come in SUNDAY!! I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!))


~Until then, 
With much love in Christ, 
I bid you adieu~


-Kristina Sarah Pickles Vlašić

And so begins my summer journey; a new adventure to embark on...

Today marks the official first day of the summer. I had a lot of time in the morning to just roam around camp and dwell in the presence and glory of Christ. Upon entering the dining hall at the end of my roam, I was overcome with the urge to just stop and pray for all the meals that would be served to all those children, teenagers, and adults that would occupy the space over the next three months. I prayed for God to be glorified in all aspects of the next three months-- but in particular the work I will be doing. From cooking, to interning, to  the Bible study for Junior 1. 

As I was walked into the kitchen this morning, I definitely realized I have got my work cut out for me. hahaha. I am ready, I am excited, and I am humbled that God would choose me to serve in the ways I will be serving. 

This week begins with cooking for the Army Band Camp... and let me tell you... IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL!!! haha.. I feel like such a lady. They are so polite and friendly, and always speak to you with such great respect. I'm excited to serve them as they practice so that they may serve others.

Before I leave you; (as I am exhausted and have to be up rather early for breakfast)

I'd like to share a verse of a hymn... a verse that I believe might just become one of my prayers for the work I am preparing to do...

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

With much love in Christ,

Kristina 'Miss Pickles' Vlasic